This feeling really suck. Big time.

I dont know how i feel anymore.
I still love you a hell lot for how you make me feel.
I don't wanna lose you.
But as time flies, i dont get to meet you, i dont even get to talk to you until we meet up.

Getting a job a.s.a.p is a major priority for me now. So that i can treat you to alot of stuffs. So that i can get my private diploma and land a decent job and treat you to more stuffs.

Second, is the band. I've been wanting to do this since forever. And i want this so bad.

But idk if i can manage my time.
I love you too much to let you go so all im asking for now is time.
Time to sort out my feelings and manage my time.
I know you're gonna say alot of mean things to me and bitch about me to all your friends but its up to you.
I know i sound selfish after all the things that you've done for me.
Just to let you know, im not using you and i never will. Cause 'using people' is not in my Book of Principles.
I dont wanna let you go but i need to sort out stuff first.
Its getting complicated and im crying so much after typing all these.
I know you'll prolly wont give a damn now that you've read this.
I know you'll prolly think im sucha bitch and might think im like the same as all th other girls out there.
I know i suck at love.

Fuckk. I hate this part right here.
I feel like killing myself right now to end all this but i know thats not the way out.


I hate myself for feeling this way.
And I love you, Iszwan :'(