i give you questions you give me answers

i'm still confused. i don't know why he left me when he promised countless times that he won't leave me no matter what happens. when all those words and lies he told me i was actually stupid enough to believe. now because of him, i can't trust whatever guys say anymore. he even told me so many times that he lost me once when we were young, he doesn't wanna lose me ever again. why was i stupid enough to believe? why was i a stupid dumb fuck to believe that we'll last forever? i'm not going back to him. it's not going to happen and it will never happen. like, ever. [ika : so fetch!] my heart was shattered and mutilated, frantically disembowelled, hammer-smashed, crucified, grostequely contorted into the most maccabre of disfigurements by him countless of times[ika : oww & wow !] and i'm not willing to go through all that for a guy like him. i'm over and done with him, definitely happy that we broke up, but no doubt he WAS a really good boyfriend. he cares so much, much more than my own mom does [ika : who doesnt?]. But sometimes he goes overboard and starts getting really possesive. Sometimes his behaviour pissed the fuck out of me[ika : fierce]. i know i piss the fuck out of him too. i don't know why but sometimes i can smell the perfume he wears wherever i go. like wth?? lols. but now, that its over i can't do anything can i :) i don't hate him and i never will but i do hate him in a way for what he has done to me. but nevertheless life is about forgiving and forgetting the past and moving on with what you have now, thanks to some of my mates who were there for me through this ordeal [ika: you're welcome] they give me the will to carry on and made me see that life is full of good and bad and to accept things the way it is and that woman should not depend on guys too much [ika: mcm kenal je] and that woman should be independent with or without boyfriends :) [ika: majulah wanita!] right now i love my friend too much and to my friends reading this, i love you guys so much no words can express how i feel towards you. especially to my bestie Ian, we've been best of friends for two years plus plus and i can say he's my pillar of strength, he snapped me back into reality and make me realise that what my ex was doing to me was wrong. he may be far away now but he'll always be in my heart. till death do us part, bestie! :) to ika my night owl :) she offers the best piece of advices of life i've ever heard in my, well, life. she was my shoulder to cry on every time and she was actually "THERE" when i needed someone. Her boyfriend must be damn lucky :) [ika: ya, right] and to izwan, whom i doubt knows about my blog, he made me realise that my ex was a dickhead. and after much persuading, i've finally agreed that he IS a dickhead :). and thanks to him i'm over my ex! YEAY!! and to a friend whom i might not wanna mention his name cause he never mentions my name in his blog [ika: i think i know who.. hehehehehehehe!] although i know in his blog two of his posts ALMOST had my name in there. lol :) he made me laugh my head off whenever i think about banana sausages in rambutan wrap season with maiyonaise sause. eww. and i thank him for distracting my mind from that asshole whom i now refer to as my ex. i thank this four people from the bottom of my heart that i'm able to make it through.











ouh, and something that hit me about courage is:
courage is grace under pressure.





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thats all for today people! [ ika: YEAY! ]


goodnight sweet dreams :):)


pray for world peace yo ! [ ika: macam FAham! ]