Killergraphy.Shutterbugs

!

2010-04-03T00:53:00.001+08:00

am baaaaaack!!!
:D

Mind over matter.

2010-01-13T01:59:00.004+08:00

Hey,

I've learnt alot about what goes on behind presidential votings, the music industry, God and of course, why we're here.

Its so important to learn about these things rather than learning about whatever you stupid JC students learn in your textbooks.
I mean like, so what if you learn about what's hydrogen or monosodium dioxide and all that crapass knowledge but dont friggin know what's going on in the Middle East? Learning about these things can help you save your life other than wasting time in classrooms, stoning to the teacher's voice about gas pollution.

What do you people know about what's going on behind the evil works of the music industry?
What do you know about what goes on behing pesidential elections?
What do you know about how animals are killed, abused and tortured for your very own sick thoughts?
What do you know about cheap labour in China?
What do you know about being 'strict straightxedge' when you know in Singapore, you obviously can't be one?
What do you know about who or what controls the world' mind?

Nowadays, people are thinking of ways to spend or get money. Some for a good cause (aka medical bills, marriage), some for a bad cause like naive, stupid kids wil be thinking they can't wait to get their hands in daddy's wallet so they can spend on what? Unneccessary things that might damage your stupid thoughts thats already friggin stupid. Like money-eating capitalist designer labels. Or stupid shark fin soup. Or even that stupid venture-capitalist Vans and MacBeth shoes.
Music isn't something you just brought and sold, like a shoe. How could you be so naive? Doesn't mean you were young, you were stupid.

Where is your goddamn heads? Do you even know where the money goes to? Do you know how animals suffer while stupid people rip the skin off animals? Do you even give a damn about what people around the world go through jst to get through life everyday? And here you daddy's-little-princesses and mommy's-lil-boys spending like crazy to fulfill your wants. What about your needs? What about the people whom you call parents, suffering just to give you money everyday? What about the cheap labour that most companies use to sell clothings that looks so cheap but costs so much more than a movie ticket?

Where are your brains people? Dont depend on money and technology too much. It makes you plain dumb. It makes you forget how to think,write,calculate or even makes you forget about your RELIGION. Your religion is the most important thing even until Judgement Day.

Please give a thought to those people working very hard in China just to produce branded goods but being paid so litte, only enough for a meal a day, not even enough to provide for their family.
Please give a thought of where your money goes to before buying uneccessary products.
Please give a thought to the animals being ripped alive just for their skin and left to decompose and rot before purchasing branded animal skin things.

If you dont, you're nothing but a heartless piece of shit.

Anyway, my fiancee is working at the moment. And he's borrowing me his laptop so I can mess around with it since Im very boreddd. MSN is pure dumbness and so is MySpace. Im deleting these two soon so yeah.

Im really lazy to type anymore zo I surrender to you humanoids to take over my beloved blog and do vatever you want vant to eet!

goodbye, goodbye forever :)

2010

2010-01-11T22:19:00.005+08:00

Hi everyone :)
Im back and 19!!
i feel like 90. lol.

Anyway, it felt like ages since i last blogged. Cyberlife isn't realy that important to me now. Im getting married after Hidayat has finished signing on as Police for 5 years! Imagine how long i have to wait. lol.
We're unofficially engaged but we got the green light from our parents :D

Its been a looooong time. But I was 16 when i first started out in the online world. It gets fun at first but as time passes by and as i grew older, i realise the friends i made online are all two-faced backstabbers. Thats why i decided to retire from the cyberworld except for blogging. Im deletng my MSN soon and so is my MySpace.

A looooong story about my relationship with Hidayat. We started out as really close friends but then we grew feelings for each other. I didnt realise he was there for me, constantly showing me care and affection but i ws too blind to see. Too busy in the online world to realise the one i've been looking for all these while was just right infront of me. We've been together for 5 months (excluding the bestfriend days!) and counting. Or 10 months or so. heh. He is the most patient, amazing, caring, lovable, fun and understanding guy i've met in my entire life. None of my ex's were this amazing as him i swear. We went through alot. Like so much. Much more than i've ever been through with any my friends.

And i've learnt alot from him too. I've learnt alot about the world and religion. He turned me to a whole different person i never thought i could ever be. I found myself mature to a lady. A lady with a whole new mindset. Im the most happiest and luckiest girl to have ever known him.

And to end this, a toast to the forthcoming months and years ahead.
Nights.

HIATUS! TEXT ME INSTEAD!

2009-08-24T01:42:00.002+08:00

time check: 1.43am

today's gig was a total failure. it was kinda stupid for us to organize a gig during the fasting month, raining and a Sunday. a few spectators turned up. less than 20 people i think. lol. only manage to raise like less than $150.

TSTV groupies didnt come as they have an exam the next day.
Audifaux fans turned up. but less than 20 of them.
The Roses did not have their fans/friends cause their fans/friends thought its free when it isnt (looooooong story -.-).
Crackerjack, The Rejeks and urmiforgotwhattheotherbandnameis didnt bring their groupies or friends either. sigh.

anyway, on an even sadder note..
i WONT be in the cyberworld for a loooong period of time cause 1, i DONT have a computer or a laptop as i cant afford it. so yeah feel lucky you people got a computer or a laptop. 2, im using my Nokia e71 to go online everyday for 6 months already and im SELLING AWAY THIS PHONE to help pay for my bestie $300 fine.

so people, text me up at 83526395 from today onwards alright.

fuck the system.

To Nerd and the Ryemie dude.

2009-08-24T01:28:00.000+08:00

hey.

thank you to Nerd (idk who are you and your blog is privatised or smth haha) who left nice comments on my blog post about the straight edge thing, yeah idk much about it but thanks for the extra info dude. and no, she isnt my friend already cause i just find her ridiculous. LOL.

and to the Ryemie guy, idk who are you neither am i discriminating you. i just said typical gig people start wearing that hat. not people who wear the hat are typical. get it? or are you tryna say you're the typical gig person? and about the straight edge post, i alr said idk much about it. why should i confront you when i have nothing against you or straight edge people who eat meat? im just against that ex friend of mine. dont have to terase im saying it to you what. chill dood.

k gonna blog the next post. byeee.

Gig at Scape.

2009-08-23T00:29:00.003+08:00

time check: 12.30am

Vermillion gave a fucking killer set. was about to do a 2 step but very the malu. heh.

lemme tell you something damn common.

i saw bimbos about to hardcore dance to Vermillion just now.
i saw a guy in crutches hardcore dancing WITH his crutch. DAMN CUTE BUT DAMN FUNNY HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.
i saw MANY chinese dudes hardcore dancing. its not the gig people but the ah beng lookalike ones. WTF tak perlu, seriously.
i saw typicalism EVERYWHERE at the gig at scape just now.
i saw a band playing a song called Emo Hero. WTF HAHAHAHAHAHAHA CHEEBYE THAT BAND. LOLOLOLX.
i saw a guy in tye dye shirt. WHATS WITH THAT MAFACKING TREND???
i saw typical gig people wearing the popye hat. WTF ME AND BESTIE WERE ABOUT TO BUY THAT HAT! ARGH IMA STUCK TO THAT BIG RASTAMAN HAT NABEYYYY.
i saw ahbengs-turned-hardcore wearing flatcaps with full sleeved tattoos, enlarged earlobes and that FOLDED-TO-THE-ANKLE SKINNYS. WHATS WITH THAT TREND??????

even the gig people are following trends. sigh.
the worse is that BIMBOS are attending gigs. ya know, the typical high waisted skirt/shorts-tank top-flats/heels-concave/long haired bimbos.

and wtfeck even BIMBOS hang out with the skaters, hardcore kids, DIY people and the punk dudes.

eh BIMBOS, bleh gi blah sudah.

you think you're in the trend. yes you are but you are a mafacking disgrace to the local music scene. fack off la eh fack off.

BIMBOS in gigs seriously NOT NEEDED eh.

and im getting hooked to Aladdin 2: The Return of Jaafar. eh damn nice la the movie. but the musical part tak perlu uh.

i was watching This Is England when waiting for bestie to arrive.
EH FUCK IT THE ENGLISH SKINHEADS ARE FACKING HOT.

i love the part where Combo starts talking about the brown gentlemen 'pud pud' wtfeck damn cute. lol.
oh and the part where Combo starts swearing at the paki shopkeeper. he was blabberring dunno what nonsense and i cant keep up but its so cute the way he swear at him. LOL.

now i swear the punks and skins are hotter than the br00t4l kids and the deathcore people.
and i think the local Oi! band, The Bois are the sexxx. lol.

hmm, later is the gig that bestie is organizing. all indie bands but they are the best indie bands i've heard.
gotta meet bestie later at 2pm at Bugis.

so ciao nigguhsx.

Typicalism. HAHA.

2009-08-21T00:30:00.000+08:00

time check: 12.30am

heyyyyy.

idk what to talk about so yeah :)

-why are singaporean chinese girls are so skinny?
the truth is they think they're sexy and they are the hotstuffs. they think anorexia/bulimia/crash diets are so fucking awesome.
dont tell me you're born skinny cause its bullshit. i was born skinny like a stick but at least i have some meat rather than skin and bones.
they do all these to fit in, cant you see? all the chinese girls in singapore look the same.
skinny, long straight hair, fake eyelashes and has the ah lian accent, always found at Bugis Street or Clarke Quay on Saturday.

hey, at least i am proud to have some meat. im tall and my bones are big so im not considered skinny nor fat. im okay2 size uh. heh.

-why are the gig people so bloody typical?
they always have that flatcap aka new era, looooong hair covering most of their features or have the helmet hair (LMAO), they wear that checkered shirt with thr colourful-but-gay as fuck tee inside with cut off bermudas, skate shoes or slip on Vans, they listen to mainstream underground music like White Chapel/ Suicide Silence/ Comeback Kid etc etc.
and these kind of people are ALWAYS loaded. they are sombong as fuck, they think they are respected *vomits* and look down on people who are not like them.
k not say look down la. they are friendly but the way they act or talk to other people not of their kind or lower from their standards, makes me wanna kick them in the fucking face and shove the nation's flag up their arse. seriously.
and they always go for fashionista bimbos. you know, the ones that always have that high pitch voice like some opera singers who choked on fishballs and always shop at Topshop/ Miss Selfridge blablabla all the branded fucks.

-why do bimbos dressed skimpily at gigs?
they do that for attention and to show everyone they're different when they are so typical. they dress like that to attract band people. drummers get the hotter girls.
so at gigs, they can start hardcore dancing and all the hardcore kids will upskirt them and chase them cause they are so bloody cheap.
most of the bimbos are either not virgins or new to the music scene and shit like that. HAHA.

haha dont mind my thrash talk im just feeling bored lol. if any of you terase, then you guys are typical bunch of nukkas with a brain the size of a pea.

hmm. later off to Pasir Ris paste posters, then to Peninsula ask how much for selling amps, then to Queenstown for the hotdog and free flow coke at Ikea, then to Beats for jamming, then to gig at Crawlspace.

k im done. byeeeeeeeee.

P.e.a.c.e

2009-08-20T13:45:00.000+08:00

time check: 1.49pm

Four words for that attention seeking queen of cunts:
GI ISAP DALAM DALAM PUKIMAK!!

muahahahaha.

anyway, im going out in 30 mins time for that cinema usher interview Joey asked me to go since he is working there. sigh. if i cant get it, i have to wait till mid september for the shop to re-open.
woah mid september leh! sian no work till next month. nabey.

a buka puasa gig at Crawlspace tmrw.
Unknown Soldier, Beyond Suicidal and more are playing.

another gig at *Scape on Saturday. Vermillion's playing. Goregirl says their songs will make me pee in my pants or something HAHA! so i must go, definitely :D

Yat's organizing a gig on Sunday. Its Help! The gig for the birds in distress.
Audifaux, The Square TV, The Rejeks, The Roses and CrackerJack are playing. Awesome indie bands.
presale at $7 and at door is $10.

haha full of gigs in the weekends. like yay right (Y)

lol boring post i know laaaaaa!
k da bye (:

Central Business District.

2009-08-18T01:39:00.000+08:00

time check: 1.40am

okay, 2nd post about 2 days ago. damn scary.

me and Yat decided to ton. i was thinking like AMK cause i've never adventured around there before. then decide decide decide, ton at Raffles. lol.

before this, we ate at Changing Appetite at Marina Square. damn nice and the fish and chips and mudpie is a must try!
the bill shocked the hell out of us but it was worth it :D

it was around 12am we lay down at the big lamplight thingy near The Penny Black pub. switched on wireless on my phone and went to google to find SFOGS. saw a few scary pics like Hospital Ghost, Scary Images 1,2 and 3, The House and many more.

we lie down there like shiok giler already then we watched Scary Image 2. i swear i shook like a leaf and ran like a few metres away until like near MacD. i was shouting telling Yat to close the window. LOL. yes, damn chicken i know la.
then i walked back to where Yat was lying down and i lay down beside him, still shaking. i looked up and guess what i saw?

a thing draped in white, legs swaying and looking down on us but i cant see the face as her hair was covering her face.
i screamed and closed my eyes. i was shaking even more and Yat hugged me and i fucking screamed again and cried.

i swear its even freakier than what you see in the internet.

after a few mins, i looked up and i saw that thing quickly fly off and dissapeared, laughing and screaming like a mathafacking banshee.

i cried somemore and after 15 to 30 mins i cooled down. we moved off an hour later.

we walked to Clarke Quay as i wanted to forget that fucking image.
so we walked to the bridge near Riverside Point and sat on the bridge. there were alot of white men there. ooooh i likeee :D

talk2 then moved off to inside Clarke Quay, mathafacking packed with typical bengs and lians and minah and mats.
then idk why Yat wanted to adventure around CBD area. i was like, oooookayyyy.
walked to CBD, damn quiet. it was around 2am. i swear its fucking eerie especially if you walk around there with only 2 people.
me and Yat saw a reflection draped in black in the reflection following us. i freaked out, My body started to tense up and i looked to the floor. i was too scared i was on the verge of crying again but i tried not to.

we walked to 7-11 near some shopping center that is damn quiet at night and not a soul seemed to be in sight.
we brought Amsterdam and shared.

Yat wanted to walk near the eerie shopping center but i told him not to as i felt something wasnt right.
so we walked at the sidewalk heading to Marina MRT i think.
and we walked to some alleyway but its a shoppers paradise actually.
reflections everywhere. i felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand and felt like someone or something was watching us. Yat told me in a scarred voice to not look at the windows or the reflection. somehow, Yat freaked out and told me to walk faster. we tried to find our way to Clarke Quay but failed to as we were so lost.
we had to pass by this statue that has a reflection. and guess what i saw again?

a thing or a woman in white with her eyes so hollow and black with her black masai hair all over the place.

i felt like running but these legs wont run. it suddenly turned numb.

i told Yat to shut the fuck up and walk faster.
we somehow managed to find our way back and ended up near some pub at BK Eating House and the things are still following us. we walked at some nearby carpark/alleyway and it was dark.

this time, its a woman in red. cant see her face but she was gliding towards us.
her hair was totally covering her features. her arms were damn pale.

i was like, fuck.
dragged Yat to Central and the 3 things still followed us. till near the Central steps, they somehow dissapeared.
weird but scary.

hairs on my hands are standing as im typing out all these. idk why.

its up to you if you wanna believe it or not okay. but i experienced it and im sure as hell im not going there after 12am ever again.

Straight edge?

2009-08-18T01:11:00.000+08:00

time check: 1.12am

im sitting on my bed watching err idk what show and i suddenly felt i like i wanna bitch about someone. an ex-friend actually.

she's sitting for her o levels in a few weeks or months time and she really is contradicting to the max like macam paham nyer, seriously.
she says she's straight edge and tells everybody i know she's one -.-
i was like omg. then i sound her, i asked do you know whats straight edge? guess what she said:

'straight edge people only dont smoke and dont drink what.'

i was like zxomfg to the max.
first off, yeah they dont drink or smoke. second is, THEY DONT TAKE IN FUCKING MEAT! there are more tho, i dont really know.

AND SHE EATS SUBWAY AND LONG JOHN SILVERS!!!!
wtfuck la kan.

im not saying i know more knowledge about straight edge, which i obviously dont.

oh the worse thing is, she tells everyone on myspace she's so fucking stressed over her o levels and parents that she smokes and drinks AT HOME.

YOU CALL THAT STRAIGHT EDGE??? O.O

and she's the typical girl who says shit but doesnt do anything about it.
like i remembered once last year she says she's gonna get a tatoo at her back with a HUGE CROSS and till now she didnt have it.
oh to her, money makes the world go round.
my bestfriend owed her $18 and she threaten that if he didnt return her $18, he's gonna regret.
and she's so bloody rich la. mum's a secretary at some ciggerette company and dad's a fucking businessman.

and she follows alot of trend. first it was the emo trend 2 years ago. then it was the hippie trend last year. now its the 'sort of' bob marley trend. wtfuck??

she claims she's gonna get dreadlocks/afro after her o levels. lets just see if that will happen. cause i for sure know it wont. come on, i knew her for 2 years already

fucking contradicting. sigh. at least im not THAT contradicting and neither do i tell everyone im straight edge and do things totally against the knowledge of straight edge.
and no, i dont label myself either. its just so NOT HER. and i felt anger rise in me as i read those. like wtfuck has she become? some liar in denial trying to fucking fit in.

OH, THE WORSE THING I READ IS THAT SHE 'MUST STOP THINKING OF WATCHING MOVIE/GOING OUT or whatever AND STOP THINKING OF TATOOS, PIERCINGS AND WEED.'

dude! a motherfucking 15 year old girl taking weed. are you fucking kidding me, bitch? like woah.

i know she wont dare take in weed. oh what a typical person who boasts alot but never does anything. so much for pride and self respect, girl. seriously.

'someone will tear the whole fucking thing down.' - bestfriend Yat.

Gahhhhh.

2009-08-14T00:28:00.003+08:00

time check: 12.29am

hello.
im running a high fever at 38 degrees and my head is spinning and its hurts so badly. grrr.
i havent ate properly for a few days already and i've been coughing really badly due to me smoking excessively so..

IM GOING TO STOP SMOKING FOR A FEW WEEKS :D
so yeah smile people. lol.
and i'll stop drinking alchoholic stuffs no matter how tempting it can get. hah.

and i've been telling myself to head to the gym but i NEED to be in proper attire like sport shoes etc (well that's what the rules and regulations of ClubFIT says -.-') and i don't have sport shoes! like wtff can't i use the treadmill using my old worn out converse or something?? and its not really worn out tho haha.
or maybe my high cut Vans or something. heh.
hmm maybe i'll wait till my Circa shoe arrive from bestfriend :D

i don't like jogging outside cause its so damn humid and the matreps and minahreps will starts staring like they've never seen people jog before. lol.

and just now at Marina steps, Yat rushed off to 7-11 to get me something to eat as i wasn't feeling well. omg la i have such a sweet bestfriend :D hahahahahhaha.
then after we ate, somehow i fell asleep. yeah i slept like its my house at Marina staircase. lol. woke up 2 hours later with the sounds of clubbers blasting hardstyle music through their phone and they played glow-in-the-dark yo yo's -.-
Yat and me can't help but laugh like a hyena. LOL.

hmm, ima help Yat put up posters for his gig around town this weekend. yayyyyy (Y)
today, a friday, ima sleep the day away at home. heh.

my sorethroat and coughing is getting worse and my head feels super light and my temperature's rising i think, idk.

ima eat Panadol then gonna turn in. goodnight humanoids (:

xx

I can't get up.

2009-08-12T00:15:00.000+08:00

time check: 12.15am

anyway, wanna know a HUGE secret??? :D
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
YAT IS FANATIC OVER N'SYNC, BACKSTREET BOYS, A1, AND CELINE DION! :D :D
rofl zaman primary school! i'm still a fan of N'sync and A1 though :D

i use to sing Like A Rose by A1 when i think about my primary school crush when i was 7 and i blushed like nuts! :D
and i use to dance to N'sync's Bye Bye Bye in the school hall when there weren't much pupils around when i was 10!

HAHA I KNOW EMBARASSING LA KANNNN ^.^

----------
tonight i'm falling and i can't get up,
i need your loving hands to come and pick me up,
and every night i miss you, i can just look up.
and know the stars are holding you tonight.
- FM static, Tonight.

Sigh.

2009-08-10T08:42:00.002+08:00

time check: 8.44am.

i didnt sleep since the last post. idk why. watched Brothers Grimm, Starship Troopers 2 and Raising Helen. woah damn bored.

hmm. let see.
A is gonna be attached to G soon, and later i will become like the air to A. basically, nothing.
D is out of my life, forever.
M, idk. i really dont know.

i am the worst person you come to for an opinion, seriously. sigh.

i am feeling so damn hollow now. its like everything around me is big, dark and black and its over taking me.
i cant seem to fight this big black thing cause i've lost hope again cause i've lost everyone. everyone except for Yat and Ian.

sorry to say, the semi dead Gabbie is back :(

The bitch, the drama queen. HAHA!

2009-08-10T01:56:00.014+08:00

time check: 1.56am.

stop being a drama queen, bitch. because of every single small thing you complain. who the fuck goes all the way to the north to see you sleep/rant/get angry over me throwing ciggie butts on the floor. wtfuck. i hate you NOW cause you 'broke up' with me and you kept on complaining about the money when you damn well know we need it to pay the fine, complaining about how you need a boyfriend when your O fucking levels are just a few weeks away.
GROW THE FUCK UP LA DRAMA MAMA WHO OVER EXXAGERATES OVER THE SMALLEST THINGS. sheesh.

anywayyyy..
i need to lose weight. not so much. yeh people say i look skinny blablabla yeh i agree too but i have like beer belly or something haha so i think i needa do alot of sit ups alr. or best of all, i prolly wont care cause its my image and theres nothing you people can do about it. HAHA. criticize all you want, it wont really bother me cause bestfriend taught me how to take in criticisms.

YAT BESTFRIEND! I WANT MY CIRCA SKATE SHOES AND I WANT YOUR JOKES THAT NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME ROFL! :D

Ian, bestfriend of 3 years!
imyimyimyimyimyimyimyimyimyimyimy la! we gonna have fun on Countdown to 2010 :D

omgeeee i love my bffs!

Nicole, go update your blog, so dead already. heh. *hugs*

Pepper! where the hell have you been to? havent heard from you in dinosaur years! lol.

and yay i've found the tights i've been looking for. mum actually stuffed in in some old bags haha like wth is it doing there.

---others---
M, you know who you are. you want me yet you don't want me. i don't think im perfect for you either. im the total opposite of the girls you date, seriously. and i swear you wouldnt wanna see me after you've met me. it happens to me so history is gonna repeat itself.
am i a shadow on your wall, am i anything at all? anything to you. am i a picture that you keep? do you dream me while you're sleeping after all? someday, i just keep pretending that you'll stay. dreaming of a different ending. i can't keep something that i know i will never have.
<3

Where did i go wrong?

2009-08-08T02:39:00.002+08:00

time check: 2.39am

i've officially lost a bestfriend. her name is Dharsh. we went through shit together for 2 motherfucking years and now all the memories of walking around town like zombies with bubble tea in hand, looking at cute hot guys and comforting each other about our insecurities, went down the drain. the big black dirty drain.
she says i've changed in a bad way. i've became ruder, more straight forward and less caring about people's feelings. yeah maybe its true.

when i start becoming ruder, its all from the anguish i have inside.
straight forward? i have always been.
less caring towards people's feelings? thats cause i realise that if i care too much people take advantage of it and crush my fucking heart so whats the point of caring so much?

i never hated her and i never will.

i've thrown away everything you gave me. i've burned the rasta friendship band you gave me a month ago. you wanted out of this bestfriendship, im giving it to you.
whatever, you're not gonna read this blog again anyway.

i feeli like crying but im gonna stay strong for this and nobody is gonna bring me down. nobody.
im gonna start reminding myself everyday that she is not a friend but a person i never know. i've only seen her on MySpace blablabla.
so i wont feel anything losing her cause i know it hurts like shitfuck losing a bestfriend like...
ah fuck it nevermind.

i realise i can never be the best bestfriend for anyone. i have too much insecurities, too many bad sides that i swear people are gonna start leaving in a straight line if they find out.
im lacking girl friends. but i dont wanna give a fuck anymore.

&goodbye Dharsh :'(
wish you all the best in the future.

ps: what's up with those hardcore kids wearing tye dye shirts anyway??????!!!! O.o

People = SHIT.

2009-08-06T12:28:00.006+08:00

thats me haha! unedited okayy! :D

time check: 12.30pm.

hmm. i've been thinking for a few days. some serious thinking.
this year, i've lost alot of people. alot of friends, a best friend even.

the first person to go was my late grandma who died at age 61 because of cancer. it hurts so much to see her go as she was the motivation i needed. but i knew i have to be independent the moment i knew i've lost her, which was on new years eve last year.

second was my ex boufriend, Iszwan. i never really thought of going far with him neither was i toying with his feelings. i knew i loved him but i guess time took its toll on me and i realise some people were to judgemental on the other person's family background. i didnt say i wanted to get out of that relationship but he called it quits. so yeah. he was there when i told him my grandma died and well he comforted me and such. but i guess its cause of my big mouth that i've lost him.

third was my mum's trust. i've just lost so much of her trust that now i dont even speak to her as i know she has nothing to say to me except for insults. i shouldnt have betrayed the trust that she has in me. i was stupid. but you know the feeling of desire? its like you want it so much and your ego grew so huge it overlaps trust? k not overlap uh. its something like that. well i'll talk to my mum soon, hopefully during hari raya or something. sigh.

forth, my bestfriend Dharsh. its just cause of a small miscommunication she wanted out. yeah i admit i was being a bitch to her most of the time and she says i've changed alot but people change as years pass. i cant possibly be the same person 2 years ago can i? 2 years worth of friendship just gone with a blink of an eye. sigh. not even a billion sorrys can make up for my attitude on her. i just cant believe its over. i still kept whatever she gave me and her name in my phonebook is still Dharsh Bestie <33. but i guess she wants me out of her life and i have no rights to fight back cause i knew whatever i did was wrong and i respect her decision. i wont bother her anymore, i guess. its hard as fuck for me but i gotta move on you know :(

fifth, i lost a friend, Liya. i have no comments on that one. she showed me attitude when i spoke to her nicely so i guess its over too. deleted her number out of my phonebook and stuffs like that. we had great times but i have to move on so does she and blah i really cannot be bothered to talk about her. fuck.

hmm. there are a couple more but i think i'll stop here cause i forgot about things i wanted to say and shit like that. sigh.

and i hate people who flirt with me for a couple of days then totally ignore me like im the air. wtf la get lost you dumbfucks and stay out of my life.

Scootle pig :D (pictures from yesterday. not much tho)

2009-08-04T01:43:00.006+08:00

time check: 1.44am.

hmm did nothing much today. and i dont have a topic to open up. let the pics do the talking yeah?

k da bye.

Changes in people and the way music is made.

2009-08-03T00:31:00.006+08:00

time check: 12.31am

hmm ate pizza today :D

i miss someone right now. but i guess he isnt the type to go for girls like me i swear.
so..

anyway, i thought alot about changes in people today.
like 2 years ago, my mindset was totally different. like i was against smoking, working isnt for me, boyfriend was everything, loves the deathcore/metal scene is Singapore.
now im the total opposite. not so different la. like well yeah i smoke and drink, i love working, i dont really care about having a boyfriend now cause im scared shitless, and im sorta against the deathcore scene here. support the local hardcore bands man!

i notice people love to follow trends. like they were against people listening to raggae, and the next month, they turn to love raggae music and mixes around with raggae men. like isnt that contradicting??

i, for example, followed trends last year. i admit i was a wanker who doesnt go for anything except for the fame/popularity blablabla bullshit.
see? im brave enough to admit that. why cant you? cause you guys are image concious and fucking cowards.

and now, i love being contradicting. dont like it? you can fuck off.
i've retired from my death metal days. i still do listen to JFAC, ABRB, Suicide Silence and stuffs but im not following the way they make music in the industry.
like honestly people, these bands make music for the fucking fame, money, gain fans, be respected and popularity. i mean who the fuck plays music for the fame? who? if your band does multi track recording and shit like that, YOU PEOPLE ARE OBVIOUSLY AFTER THE FAME. i mean if you record songs, you want to sound the same while playing live so people would actually buy your album without expecting alot when you perform live right?

so what if you sound so good in multi track recordings but play like shit live?? so fucking what??
that only means you guys arent tight as you think you are.
i know bands who does really tight live recordings and sound awesome live.
why spend so much on recordings when you guys can practice as hard as you can, be fucking tight and get a cheapass live recording? save money right?

I LOOK DOWN ON BANDS THAT LOOK DOWN ON OTHER BANDS THAT DOES LIVE RECORDING.
I LOOK DOWN ON BANDS WHO THINK THEY ARE SO GOOD IN RECORDINGS WHILE THEY SUCK LIVE.
basically, i look down on bands who does multi track recordings. you waste alot of money, waste your efforts and a huge motherfucking disgrace to other local bands.
'underground local bands' should remain underground. once you do a multi track recording, you are fucking mainstream in the underground scene.

Its no surprise.

2009-08-02T01:43:00.006+08:00

time check: 1.43am.

guess what? i just lost my bestf.
thanks to whatever.
3 cheers for 2 years.

i guess im too demanding, not understanding and super unreasonable to be anyone's friend. i wanna stop making friends for now. cause the friends i made for the past year/months were a bunch of people who discriminate others and a bunch of fucking lying cunts.
no im not gonna blog about it.

ANYWAY, on a good note..
i wrote lyrics about discrimination, zionism and lesbians in the MRT on my way home. lol.
its preety loong. and the lesbian lyrics are funny though :)

gahh its so hard to upload pics on blogger. knnbcb.

later today ima help Yat design gig poster. like just draw then photocopy. we're not gonna like do photoscape/photoshop and shit like that. all d.i.y!

goregirl blog about me talking to her about oral sex. HAHA wtf im not horny! it was just a joke laaaaaa :D
"blowjob=oral sex"
oh and the nenek jual keropok didnt want to sell me her keropok, but her baju kurung -.-"
then i say i no money ah.
then she walked off. weird.
HAHAHAHAHA!

hmm im gonna earn some profits. finally i feel like i have a life :D

and work is coming up sooooooooon ^.^

k nothing else to blog alr. boring post la.
bye.

Minahreps and the 'underground scene'. Tsk. Big dissapointment

2009-08-01T00:58:00.007+08:00

time check: 1.00am.
friggin tired today. walked alot. lol.

while omw home from CityHall just now me and Yat saw a bunch of mats and minahreps making noise in the train. like ALOT of noise. i've seen them a couple of times and one of them looks like an indian. seriously. they are HUGE in a bad way. they make so much noise plus their irritating techno shit playing aloud from their phones that me and Yat got a huge headache. and Yat keeps staring back at them to scare them. cause he was fucking pissed. lol.

dayum. whats with these bunch of losers nowadays? they draw their eyebrow fucking high and 5cm thick make up, they act like they own the place and bash strangers up if the minah or matreps are not happy with a particular person's dressing. like wtf? seriously not needed.

and another thing i really look down upon is the death metal/deathcore/new school hardcore bands in Singapore. they are so fucking rich they discriminate other people of the lower class. so what if you're rich? it doesnt get you anywhere, seriously. if you're rich but you act like some snobby stuck up bastards, then whats the point? you think you gain fans/respect ah like that. kepale otak korang ah nabey.
i realised this after i made friends with Yat. i was following the trend before but now, nah. it might be contradicting but whatever yah?
deathcore shit people follow the fucking trend. you guys wear iwrestledabearonce shirt not because you know their biography, discography, whatevergraphy but its just to follow the fucking trend la. you guys think 'eh cool tak shirt ni? brutal ah.'
you guys brutal? go to fucking hell and lick my mum's cunt.
i dont wanna name bands whom i know that look down on d.i.y bands like my band. so what if you guys can get a multitrack recording? so fucking what? it only means that you guys are up for the fucking fame. its obvious you guys are trying hard to sound like Suicide Silence/White Chapel whatever underground mainstream deathcore bands. what is underground, should remain fucking underground.
bands like NOFX are Propagandhi are bands you should look up to. hmm singapore bands? lets see. Facelift? im not telling you what to do but its just i feel like the whole 'underground scene' in singapore is fucked up with people who only go for fame and money.

well fuck you all _|_

The top floor is just an illusion

2009-07-31T11:41:00.005+08:00

time check: 11.41am.
im up early and i cant get to sleep. hah.

hmm i seriously need to get a life. like get something to do. but i wont be working till mid august so this sucks when im always broke and i wanna get a job and actually work but i already have a job but im gonna be moneyless till september. hopefully, thats when my pay comes in. sigh. very the sian. lol.

and i hate asians. not those malay/indians/mixed asians. but the pure chinese ones. i guess im racist and a sexist. but its kinda contradicting cause you see im asian and im a girl so it doesnt make sense that i hate asians and girls. and when i mention girls i mean those skinnyass-flat chested-no butt-slit for eyes kinda girls. they look sick as fuck and no wonder i call them skateboards. cause they are flat like one.
and they think they're the hotstuff. they think its so cool and fucking trendy to be skinny and have 'nice eyes'. well your eyes looks like a pussy to me and you people are anorexic like fuck.
if you're born naturally skinny, go eat more you dimwits. and do whatever to gain weight. cause MAJORITY OF GUYS PREFER GIRLS WITH FLESH RATHER THAN SKIN AND BONES.
i was born skinny but im proud to say i've gained weight. i stand a 174cm/178cm or a 5"8 and i weigh about 62kg/68kg. its gonna be 70kg soon but yeah i dont really give a fuck. people tell me i look skinny but i feel fleshier. LOL.

my aunt calls me fat and i went 'errr.. so?'
i dont want to 'fit in' where everyone looks the same, talks the same, acts the same. cause its so motherfucking cliche to do that.
i dont wanna be a clay mould to perfection. cause being perfect isnt what i aim to be. i'd rather look like some
alien from whatever planet rather than look the same like everyone else. thats so fucking old la people.

so stand out, for all you know you might be respected by others although you cant see it.

its all about respecting others and people respecting you. cause without respect, you are nothing.

ps: i have no fucking idea what i just typed out. if you guys get what i was tryna say then good for you :) if not then go get a dictionary. if you dont like it then jolly well fuck off.

k da bye.

Hiatus or not?

2009-07-31T00:43:00.004+08:00

time check: 12.43am.

im not gonna blog about my day or whatever. cause i know you guys are bored reading it.
i'll only blog when i have something to blog about.

if you treat animals like shit, in a matter of time you'll treat people like shit so you can go lick your dad's left nut.
if you treat women as biological machines just to fulfil a man's desire, you can go fuck yourself or get fucked by a horse.
cause people like you cunts are not needed in this world.

Nausea

2009-07-29T23:24:00.006+08:00

time check: 11.24pm.

im feeling really sick now. im having a really bad headache and nausea. idk why. and im NOT pregnant so shut up.
maybe its the girly thing. oh fuckk.

anyway, today was awesome. met Yat and Andi around 3pm at SP then ate there. trained to VivoCity. first thing we did when we arrived at Vivo was, we need a stick. lol.
went outside for a smoke and it was scorching hot. i swear i could melt in the heat.
then walked around Vivo. Andi wanted to look for Lonsdale but got to know it was gonna change to Roxy. like dooooooooood. hah.

then walked pass Coffee Bean and saw like, a plate with still alot of pasta. sat at the chair and ate it. its still yummy tho. ate the whole thing finish :D
why waste food when you can still eat it right. stupid homosapiens. tsk.
Yat likes watching me eat cause he finds it 'interesting' while Andi was thinking 'wth is she doing??' but he still ate it in the end. lol.
then at another table got coffee blended drink thing. also half finish. WHY WASTE FOOD YOU CUNTFUCKS?? Lol.
ate and drank it finish, went to Starbucks. since Andi bought his laptop we watched This Is England.

I SWEAR ENGLISH SKINHEADS ARE SO HOT :D

awesome movie, even though we didnt watch it till the end cause Andi's laptop no more battery. and there was no powerpoint there. heh.

and there were a bunch of people surfing the net there with songs from Lamb Of God/BFMV/Avenged Sevenfold/Cradle of Filth blasting out from their laptop.
we went ' errrr.. hahahahahhahahaha!'
:D

went to the smoking area and lie down on the pavement and smoke. it was already 7.45pm and Andi went off.
then me and Yat headed to Daiso and walked around, preying on people. HAHAHAHAH WTF.
walked to 7-11 and bought chips and Big Gulp, went to rooftop and took out our slippers and soaked our feet in the water. the feeling is awesome la :D
smoke, ate and did random stuff there. stuffs that girls arent suppose to do and stuffs guys would go 'wtf?' at.
heheheheh :P

then around 9.30pm we moved off. took 61 to BB then from there took 945 home cause i was feeling too sick to walk. lol.

i guess tomorrow im gonna sleep my day away till Yat calls for dinner :)

i know you readers are bored upon reading the shit i typed here but whatever okehh? and thanks for reading :D

k da bye.

Alex's and camwhoring pics, so dont bother looking. Heh :P

2009-07-28T03:00:00.002+08:00

Im in lalaland uh fucks.

2009-07-28T02:24:00.006+08:00

time check: 2.25am.

pictures from Culture X. Other pics are with the rest of them crew members :D

hmm. gig last sunday was awesome. despite the lack of people and HUGE change in timeslot. thanks to Hidzir, Syaza and Eshia for coming down. appreciate it alot even tho you guys had curfew :D
but seriously, bands whose bandmates got probation, its better not to perform la. later other bands affected then have to play last band. like wtf right. knncb.

trust is hard to gain and even harder to get that trust back right? im okay but im still hurt. hurt so fucking deep. i thought i believed your words. but i guess i cared too much? yeah maybe i'll not care so much from now on. im sorry if im too fucking sensitive.
cause maybe you thought that whatever you said to me, i wouldnt believe but i did. i fell for your trap so many times. so many times that i think its better to not trust. cause for me, TRUST is a HUGE issue. especially when it comes to friends. im sorry if im too harsh on this.

k da bye. more pics soon :D

Im physically and emotionally tired.

2009-07-25T22:08:00.006+08:00

time check: 10.09pm.

slept my day away till 6pm today. then i brought food from the indian stall downstairs and went home and ate. then practice originals for tmrw. damn nervous la fuckk. i think i fucking forgot how it goes.
SHIT. *shoots myself in the head with a pink plastic gun*
i think im gonna die tmrw.

anyhooo...
im texting Dharsh bestie now. even tho my eyes are like half open but i cant get to sleep. big fuck?? O.o
my nose cant stop like running tap water.
and Alex has been talking to me about how he should ask the girl he likes out, i think im getting sick and tired of it alr. its like im trying to help and you keep saying you cant. dude, confidence! i might not know how you feel but at least im trying to fucking help. BIG sigh la.
k im sorry if im too sensitive.

im just sick and tired of everything. i just wanna sleep and to never wake up. im being used like recycled paper.
friends only look for me if they need me. but other than that they'll act like they dont know me. wtfuck is wrong with you people? too fucking inhuman? fuckk you.

im sorry if i sound so full of hatred in this post. im just so fucking lost.
and nobody can help me.

Knee deep in err..

2009-07-25T01:07:00.000+08:00

time check: 1.08am.

people have been asking me to update my blog and now its the two hundred and something something post. LOL.
so, dont noisy noisy ah? kay? heh.

hmm the past few weeks were okay. been practicing alot for this Sunday's gig. Thursday's sessioning at CCK was good. Got abit fed up cause i keep forgetting how the song goes and when im supposed to start goring. LOL.
yayyy got new bassist and guitarist!
bassist name Fad and rhythm guitarist name is Farisz!
we'll take in Joey as the drummer atm :/

and yesterday was jamming. it was shitty at first cause the songs were fucking fast and its so hard for me to catch my breath when i gore. but after awhile i THINK i got used to it. jammed at Beats Merchant for an hour. finally completed all 5 originals :D
gonna record everything next month. live recording tho.
we're not like those rich deathcore kids who can afford $90 for an hour of recording. at least $45 an hour hopefully can finish recording all 5 originals :D

whooo. cant wait for Sundayy. like omg yayyweee first gig in 2 years O.o

lyric wise, we write about politics/how people discriminate the poor/famine. i write songs when im tipsy and the lyrics turned out preety useful.
our sound, is hardcore punk. like Comeback Kid but i do gore not shouting/scream.

and im gaining weight i think. cause finally i can feel my butt. cause now its like umm fleshy. last time it wasnt. LOL why the hell am i talking about this haha!

today, a friggin Saturday, im gonna stay home and practice. i cant fucking believe it, its a Saturday and im actually staying home. LOL. usually im out till late on Saturdays. but i think i'll rest for today. town is so boring now that i have no idea where to go its better i stay home and play air drums/practice originals.

haha im tired, my throat hurts and my eyes are heavy as fuck now. bye.

Work is argh!

2009-07-21T00:16:00.003+08:00

time check: 12.17am

well work was stressful. i had to memorize alot of things and i forgot what to say to the customers. i'll be like damn blur to everything.
now im jobless temporarily cause they are shifting me to Suntec. another outlet there. starting this mid/end august.

got out of work early. walked to penin and got my top up card for my phone and ciggies Viceroy red. Sorry ah idk what brand to but la. then walked to Raffles City to wait for Yat and Andi. they came and Yat bought me doublecheeseburger :D

slack slack slack then waited for JM. he came and didnt talk much. well, my fault too. im kinda quiet when i meet people for the first time :/
then about 4.30pm we moved off and walked to HMV at Citylink. the cd's under Metal were all kinda urm over. you geddit? lol.
then walked to 7.11 to get drinks.
headed to Esplanade and slack and smoke alot. waited for their friend, i forgot his name. LOL i seriously forgot his name!
then his friend came and slack till about 8pm. headed to Long John Silver for dinner. then walked to Citylink again for HMV. i played XBOX there XD
went nuts when i played Tomb Raider. was screaming when i tried to avoid the sharks. attracted alot of onlookers and Yat and Andi and their friend kept laughing -.-"
then walked to City Hall MRT and parted from there. bused home as usual, with Yat.

oh and i sorta bonded with my aunt cause i was texting her about the private diploma and she was impressed that i wanted to study law. LOL.
cause we sorta didnt contact after my grandma's death last year. and my grandma was the one that bought the family closer. im trying to get closer to my aunt for moral support cause family wise, i only have my aunt. my mum has lost hope in me.
ohwell thats the past. im concentrating on the present and whats going to happen in the future. cause for now, thats all that matters.

im currently texting JM and Yat :D

and i miss Pepper (L)
and i miss Dharshy more :(
my friends mean the world to me.

k da bye.

Carebear zombies are teh sexxxx <3 LOL

2009-07-19T01:21:00.004+08:00

time check: 1.21am

work was tiring today. have to memorize the name of the cupcakes and what it consists of. kinda stress actually.
my colleague Hui Ming was nice. we somehow click in a way when it comes to studies and the world O.o
LOL ok nevermind. have to be familiar with the whole work place by 27th July. zxomg arghh!
came to work like 30 mins before the shop opens. i was there be 10am and felt so sleepy. i woke up at 6am, mind you! LOL. then when the Hui Ming came, she immediately showed me how to put the cupcakes on display, in which order, how to make them cakes and all. i swear the macarones are yummyyyyy :D
then by 12 plus, customers came in and i had to see and observe how Hui Ming works cause im kinda blur to the whole thing. the only thing i could prolly say is 'Hi. Welcome! *gives sincere smile*'. and had to memorize the price and all that.
Yat was outside my workplace since 2pm and was watching my every move. LMAO!

by 2.30pm i left work. Yat says he cant believe im actually working -.-
walked to Bugis and ate Mee Rebus. then walked to Topshop and waited for Andi and the rest. walked to Crawlspace for the gig. the skinheads and a few punks were there already.

saw this hot punk chic in Misfits and fishnets stockings. shes against ciggarettes tho :/

didnt get to go in the gig but saw a few weird people. like a hardcore tough guy, NOT those hardcore fags with long hair BUT the shaved head-enlarged earlobes-brass knuckle shirt dood. he's so fucking cool i swear :D

oh and Yat took chocolates for meeeeeeee! heheheheheh!
sat outside for a few hours. yeh as usual, fights happen. saw a ska kid slap another ska kid. then a few more fights happen just cause of mistaken identity. idk i prefer to call them ska kids than rudi. LOL. but still, come on man why fight at a gig? wtmf.
oh and Yat's friend took Chivas for us. i didnt drink alot but i was just tipsy. talked alot of shit with people i dont know. and Yat piggybacked me to somewhere and i typed out awesome lyrics. i swear i write nice lyrics when im tipsyyyy :D :D
then around 10pm walked to SMU and bought super huge mushroom swiss burger and ice lemon tea. ate and got so full i cant stand on my feet. so sat at SMU and smoke till 11.15pm and took the last train home.

im so darn sleepy/tired/shagged/whatever so ima just stop here.

k da bye.

Good morning! :D

2009-07-18T06:50:00.005+08:00

time check: 6.50am

am gonna have to wake my mum at 7.15am cause she came back from wherever around 6am. I slept at 1am and i can actually wake up at precisely 6.06am! Alarm tone was set to JFAC's Matyrdom Unsealed. And it was friggin loud. i think it also woke up my lil sis. LOL.
gahh sorry for not blogging last night. was tired and sleepy and preety cranky :/

hmm. am gonna get out of the house around 8.30am and have breakfast nearby then gonna train all the way to Raffles and walk to Cantral Mall. wow nearly 2 hours of spare time before work :)

i plan so many things to do after i get my first pay, which will be more than enough and i can actually save some for future use!
- gonna top up my phone, which has been dead for 6 months cause there is no credit left.
- donate some money to charity.
- apply for pribate diploma in law/business management.
- apply for driving license by end of this year/mid 2010!
- gonna go for a major shopping spree and get all the things i want.
-and another major shopping spree in November with Dharsh bestbestbesbestestflen/marshmellow blood sister!
- then am gonna have lunch/dinner at NewYorkNewYork/ Billy Bombers with close friends.
- gonna get legal ciggies!
- gonna dye my hair jet black and prolly get extensions. idk about the extensions part.
- gonna get a new make up set - M.A.C! :D :D
- treat family for family dinner once in a while.
- get mp4/mp5!
- get NOFX shirt for Yat and myself. idolize them!
-rent a room for myself.

aha and the rest i'll prolly save up for future use/emergencies :D
yayy omg cant wait for the first pay. gonna work my arse off on this one!
im gonna have to start talking to colleagues alr. there arent much people working there like prolly me and another girl.

Dharsh bestf, thanks for always being there for me and taking in all my rantings/anger and all the shit that i've thrown at you. im sorry for always being sucha bitch to you and not understanding from your point of view. and i wont steal once i get my pay. prolly once in a while for a lil fun i guess? heeheeee :D ilyvvvvm bestflen! and yes, im scared shit to lose you *hugs*

Yat, thanks for sticking by me thru shit from us having such a blast at east coast to me biting you to us tryna get money for the fine and you rushing all they way from school to my workplace just cause i was late for work and you got worried. i never had such a friend like you in my life and i swear im not prepared to lose someone like you. ily bro :D

these 2 people i thank from the bottom of my heart. ily guys so much :D :D :D

k its 7.13am and im gonna wake mom up and shower at 7.30am. bye people. will blog tonight :D

ps: pepper, thanks for taking your time to make the drum vid. ILY LIKE ALOT ALOT LAAAA! :D

First day of work=boriiiing -.-

2009-07-17T00:26:00.005+08:00

time check: 12.28am.

hmm today work was boriing. mostly, i sit around and answer calls. would sweep the floor once in a while. cupcakes were expensive. like doooooood -.-
then after work, around 2.30pm met Yat outside workplace and bused to his school, SP. ate the nasi ayam penyet (crushed chicken rice, or whatever) then got Big Gulp.
went for a smoke outside and saw the bloody bald/shiny/botak-headed NEA officer. Yat just threw the ciggarette butt on the floor and the NEA officer just smiled at us. we just rushed off and hide in Dover MRT toilet. LOL.
then bused to BB and bought Green Tea and chilled at the stairs outside WestMall. we planned to go home early but ended up, we went home around 12am. LOL :D time flies when we had lotsa funn :)
we talked about the old times back in my kental days (sista lurp LOmafuckingL!) and talked about us being best friends for lifeee (plus Dharshy and Iannie!) :D
we cried just now cause we dont wanna lose each other as friends. yeah we're lame beeeetches. got a problem with that ah? hehehehehe :p
and he piggybacked me home. ahahahahahaha!

relationship spoils everything.

its best to have a long term friendship than a short term relationship.

the best line i've ever heard :D

today Yat is giving me a surprise today. he kept giving me confusing hints like skate shoes, hair extensions blablabla.
so yeah i'll just wait till 5pm today when i meet up for dinner with him.
you have no idea how much i love my best friends :D

k da bye.

its time baby :)

2009-07-15T23:14:00.007+08:00

time check: 11.14pm

ima go to sleep at 12am. my first day of work!
in case ya'll are wondering where im working at, its at Dobi, a small cupcake shop at Central Mall at Clarke Quay.
right beside Starbucks ^.^
im starting full time. the training on opening the shop. will be from 10.30am to 2pm tmrw. then Saturday, same time. and Monday im starting full time :)
weeeee! finally i've got a job after a year of jobhunting. omg. can you believe it? a girl who has no life finally has a life! geeeeeeeeeeeeez! :D

Saturday is jamming at Beats Merchant too. but it'll be late afternoon. then next Sunday is Culture X. omgomgomg cant wait!

was smiling my arse off the whole day. zxomfg. wont complain about anything anymore. okay maybe once in a while uhh. im a happy girl from now on.

well it was all thanks to Yat for 'helping' me to get it. a gem he truly is :D
and thanks to Dharsh for the encouragement. ily babe! we'll def go shopping after your O levels and eat fried mars bars and check out hot skater dudes! lol.

i think im addicted to chilled green tea and tortillas :/ been eating alot of it everytime i go out.

hmm this sunday mum and the stepdad wants a family outing to discuss our problems. gawd i prolly wont talk much. cause im naturally distant from my mum ever since i was young.
but ohwell we'll see how it goes.

ok im loving my life now :D

k da bye.

ps: i'll still be the Gabbie that isnt embarassed to do stupid things in public, pick up ciggies from the floor, eat people leftovers and laugh like theres no tomorrow. with or without work, i'll still be me :D

peekchures from yesterday up!

2009-07-12T22:44:00.002+08:00

Peekchures from yesterday's outing delayed.

2009-07-12T22:03:00.001+08:00

sorry guys i cant upload pics on blooger. something wrong w the network. cheebai peh blogger. FUCKK.

Carebear and circle pits.

2009-07-12T01:53:00.000+08:00

time check: 1.53am

well today was enjoyable :)

met Yat and walked to BB and had cup noodles. then bused to Bugis and met Eshia and Syaza. OMFG Eshia so cuteeeee and gorgeous! ^.^
been decades since i saw Syaza. finally met her at last. heeees.
walked to FAD Media. saw many unfamiliar faces.
a guy in red idk keep looking at me.
sat outside without going in cause we were broke and the gig looked boring with cheena bimbo's and cheena happy hardcore people -.-'
like wth chinese girls wearing uber short dresses and high heels to gigs and ahbengs-turned-hardcore dudes seriously not needed. lol.

saw Era and GG!
era, you forgot to gimme donuts :(

and Yat lost his ciggies. wth funnnnnyyyyyy laa!
then talked to random people and made a new friend. syafiq :)
me, Eshia, Yat and Syafiq talked about mat reps skaters and mat reps moshing/hardcore dancing at gigs :D
then about 6 plus me and Yat left our bags with Eshia and the rest and went to meet Syafie for awhile to pass us the remaining tics.
Yat piggybacked me at the bridge. then we swing swing. fuuuunnnnnnnn :D
went back to Fad Media and went off to City Hall. seperated with Eshia and the rest at Funan and ate dinner at BK Eating House. then headed to 7-11 and bought Big Gulp. walked to Fullerton Hotel for toilet and when we came out it was raining. heavily :(

me: see la you took so long in the toilet now we missed the fireworks *gives lame face*

Yat: we missed it? sure or nott?

me: yaaaah. i heard the boom boom sound. like fireworks.

*me and Yat went outside and he burst in laughter*

it was actually the sound of thunders -.-
how lame can i get, seriously? LOL.

we ran in the rain all the way to Esplanade. well Yat asked me to wear his thick hoodie so i wouldnt get wet and we was drenched.
reached Esplanade bridge and decided to stop for awhile to smoke. there were maaaannyyyy people and lil primary school kids cause they were there for the NDP rehearsal.
about 30 mins later the rain stopped for abit and we walked to inside Esplanade. while otw walking there i scared lil primary school kids caught in the drizzle. i randomly just shouted at them and they looked at me like im a retard -.-
then we walked and walked all around Esplanade and skated on the slippery floor a lil. im afraid of falling on cold hard floors! it was raining what do you expect? LOL.
then walked to Marina 7-11 and bought Slurpee and chocolates ^.^

walked to the legendary Cermin and found Eshia, Syaza and gang there. saw Fir, F, and whoever else idk their names. hung out with them kiddos for awhile (they're like 16? 17? but they look sooo young O.o) and took group photos.
Around 10pm we walked to City Hall with them.
parted ways with Eshia and gang and bused home to BB. and here i am :)

peekchures will be up later. not much tho. am tired.

k da bye.

too many peekchurs so i'll just put 3 memorable ones :D

2009-07-10T13:14:00.000+08:00

me and Yat memorable peekchurs. he so doesnt look like a Poly student la but he's my closest guy friend anw so shut up :D
lotsa luuurve Yat!

yo Alex <33

2009-07-10T13:08:00.000+08:00

i hope you like it mate. may not be as perfect as you wanted but at least i did it. lol. and i took this after i showered. LOL.
im uglehhhhhh. heh. <3

K da bye.

I fucking hate you.

2009-07-10T12:44:00.002+08:00

time check: 12.44pm

sigh. sometimes i hate my mum. a few hours ago, she asked me to fetch my sister from school. i said okay, since she left $10 for me. i forgot the way there so i called her. she shouted at me like im a nobody to her. she kept saying im fucking useless, cant even fetch my sister from school. i said i just forgot the way what. then she gave me confusing directions and got me even moree confused.

convo between me and my mum:

mum: 'next time you fetch your sister from school everyday, not go out as if you got no meaning in life.'

me: 'eh, mum. i go out not to enjoy okayy. i was out jobhunting. everytime im out its either im jobhunting or at least, trying to look for a job cause i know how hard its is for you as a single mum.'

mum: ' yalah. go look for a job or go out with boyfriend? then when you look for a job, you wear shorts??'

me: ' i dont have time for a boyfriend, mum. what i wear, it doesnt matter. its just looking for a job, not going for an interview. if im going for an interview, i'll obviously wear something nice. Nevermind uh you just go fetch her im not in the mood alr.'

then i just hung up the phone. seriously. at least im trying my fucking best to get a job and all she does is degrade me and losing hope in me. well she might lose hope but i feel like giving up just to please her, my own mother.

well from now, i dont wanna live to please anyone. not even my mum.
i dont live to impress people. cliche? I dont think so.
i just wanna be happy, leading a normal life. is that so hard to ask for?

she can hate me all she want and i dont wanna fucking care anymore. she sees me as a no lifer who bums around at home. well i dont bum around at home. im out everyday to look for work but this bloody singapore is giving me shitty shit. im on the verge of giving up looking for a job.

or maybe its just cause of singapore la. even my friends who have a diploma in business finances have been looking for a job for nearly a year and they still cant land themselves a decent job.

oh well fuck you singapore and mr president _|_

OMG I GOT MOHAWK! :D

2009-07-10T00:05:00.005+08:00

time check: 12.07am

i did a mohawk and walked 5km today from Bukit Gombak to CCK!! XD

met Yat around 5 plus, walked to CCK! yes we walked. not took the bus but WALKED! took us an hour but it was okehh :D
had fun while walking. a jogger let out a huge urh sigh i guess and we laughed cause it sounded like he was having sex. LOmafuckingL!
reached CCK and took chocolates. sigh. when am i gna stop th habit?? gawdd.
then walked to Lot 1 and waited for the fucker and gave him back th tics. but like wtf we walked 5km and we just walked off after taking the tics. we were dead by the time we sat down to eat.
then went to the library to use th computer then we bused home.

reached BG and sat down for a smoke, searched for funny lyrics by NOFX and laughed to the song lyrics of Eddie, Bruce and Paul, Lisa & Louise, New Boobs and err i forgot. LOL.
then i decided to create a mohawk. i swear it looked so effin cooool laaa! XD Yat says i look hot w a mohawk but yeh :/

yay i never knew i end up w a mohawk. LOL.
and walked 5 fuckin km to CCK.

k da bye.

Doopeedeedoopohhnooo

2009-07-09T00:58:00.002+08:00

time check: 12.58am.

im watching Michael Jackson Memorial on tv. its the first time i cried when the King of Pop died. R.I.P Michael.

legends never die :D

anw, today another bad day la. met Yat then we had our late lunch. then we got sued by NEA officers cause we throw ciggarette butt on th floor. cheebai. what more bad luck can we get.
and we got sued for 300 fucking bucks. fuck la fuckk.
planned to save $7 a day. sure can one la :)

other than that, bused to town and pkayed GTA on the bus. lucky there weren't anyone who tried to shut us up. if there is, i'll fuck that fucker upside down.
then smoke our day away and hung around Raffles/Bugis/City Hall. town is so boring nowadays. sigh.
where have all the culture kids gone to? lol.
then went to 7-11 at Bugis and took 2 HUUUUGE mushroom swiss burgers and bought Big Gulp.
sat outside SMU and ate. there was some indie/alternative music gig thingy and the music was goooood ^.^
then walked to Esplanade at night. too many couples and we sorta made fun of the bangla construction workers. damn funny la :D

then he piggybacked me around Esplanade and we behaved like lil kids cause he kept swinging me and i nearly fell so most of the time i was screaming in his ears and biting his fleshy arms :D

then about 10pm we bused back to BB and reached at around 11pm.
then took chocolates again and ate cup noodles.
and walked to BG and Seperated from there.
here i am now, blogging like theres no tommorrow (wtf la.)

insomnia is teh new shit yo :D

k idk what else to blog about aledy. gg to CCK today to give Thomas the Raw With Me tics back. sigh.
gonna be broke as fuckk to help Yat raise 300 bucks by next month.

bad week, bad week :(

i need a life. can anyone get me my life?

Bed bugs and flying anteaters :D

2009-07-08T00:10:00.002+08:00

time check: 12.10am. im early today. hees.

dont wanna elaborate what happened on Monday. i swear it was sway as fuck. urgh. now trauma already. cheebai.

well today, met Yat and got news that we're not playing for the 11th of July gig, Raw With Me at FAD Media. apparently, its because the drummer is tooooo waayy busy with clubbing and lost interest in playing in a band and the bassist says he cant commit. wtff i was fucking pissed. bus-ed to Jurong and not talking to Yat cause i was just too pissed. like wtff im so hyped up for perfroming my first gig in 2 years and now we're not playing cause of the two mafucking idiots that backed out. cheebaii. how the fuck am i to face the people i told that i was performing? well its best to tell the truth.
fuck what you think. fuck what you heard. its all about respect.

at least we're playing on the 26th of July at Crawlspace. Gig name: Culture X. playing with bands of all genre from death to ska :D CANT WAIT. Yay meeee! ^.^v

hmm not much to do now. other than msning and myspaceing, my life's a bore.

im just tired from all the drama that has been happening. im tired of hearing the same excuses.
im tired of using the same cliched word.
im tired of life.
im tired of having good, close friends, then get ditched just cause they've found new, better friends to have fun with.

im tired of YOU people.

i need a break.
i need a breather.
put me on a hamock and let me swing my life away in the smooth sea breeze that i've been longing to feel.
let me sleep without having to worry about anything, anything at all.
let me smile like i have nothing to lose, nothing to worry about.
let me laugh without feeling uneasy.
let me be myself.
let me feel at ease, for once.

2nd post for the day.

2009-07-06T01:39:00.004+08:00

time check: 1.39am.
i know i blogged alrdy but there are somemore thing i forgot to add.

While otw home on the bus just now with Yat, we were reaching in 15mins and enjoying ourselves playing GTA on PSP. there werent many people in the bus so we let it all out, having fun and all. then a cheena beeetch with slits for eyes combined with a super fucked up face stared at us and shouted at us saying 'can you just shut up?!'
i stared at her and called her a fucking whore. she looked to the front. nabey. liddat aslo want to be angry. cheebye.
then i shouted at her, calling her a cheena with no balls and all the vulgarities came out.
then she was toying with her hair. i said loudly and sarcasticaly 'you think you're so preety uh. even my grandma looks better than you.'
then Yat calmed me down and i swear i wanted to kick her in the fucking face.

sigh. its not wrong to have fun right. seriously. you ask us to shut up when we're having fun. like wtf you're such an unfun person to be with no wonder that boyfriend of yours sitting beside you never spoke a word to you. because he knows you would obviously ask him to shut up.

you fucking stereotypical bimbo daughter of a fucking whore.

double sigh. why arent Singaporeans open minded? from the way i see it now, having a lil fun can embarass Singaporeans. dude, i can even act like a complete retard infront of a bunch of hot white skater dudes without feeling a tad bit embarassed.

i dont care of what people think of me cause i am being myself.
like me for who i am, not what im not, is so cliche.
i'd prefer to say nothing at all.
just look and observe. like what you see, good. dont like what you see, fuck off.

my/Yat's version of 'fun' is acting like complete retards, piggyback and run all around town screaming 'we're cool and you're not!', pick up ciggies from bins when we run out of smokes, pick up food on the streets when we're broke as fuck, make fun of banglas and imagining things that are bound to happen in real life and try to re-enact it and laugh about absolutely everything.

too bad Singaporeans arent like me and Yat. what can i say, each individual is different. but majority of Singaporean kids are boriiiiiiiiing. i'd like to make more white friends so i can have my kinda fun, not the boriiiiiing kinda fun. ya get ma drift?

k da bye.

Its tha doooooope yaw! Wtf.

2009-07-06T01:08:00.006+08:00

time check: 1.08am

listening to: Mila Ayuhara-My Girlfriend Left Me, Lets Masturbate.
(name of the song seriously tak perlu. LOL)

met Yat around uhm 2pm then bus-ed to Bugis. walked to Raffles Hospital Banquet even tho it was raining heavily. i was wet and shivering from the cold thank god i bought me sweater.
slippery and had to grab Yat's shirt and it nearly tore :D cause me and him were wearing slippers and didnt know it was going to rain. lol.
went to Raffles Hospital Banquet to meet Arif and Alip first. then walked to Beats Merchant and met Guns Are For Losers bandmate, idunnohisname.
i thought i lost the tics which me and Yat kecoh rabak looking for it in our bags and got to know i left it at home -.-'
idunnohisname left the place feeling rather pissed i suppose.
then today have to go to Pasir Ris and give them the tics instead.
didnt tell Safiye or Arif about it cause scared kena fuck upside down.
then while jamming i was in no mood to talk or joke around cause i kept thinking where the hell i put the tics.
sang the new original as guest vocals. forgot how it goes and i stopped halway through the breakdown. nabey.

after that i saw GoreGirl came in with her friend while i was sitting at the sofa. random people i know keep popping by. lol.

then chilled at the coffee shop. then joke here and there and we walked to Bugis Junction.
seperated with Safiye and Alif so it was me, Yat and Yat's friend, Alip.
bought double cheeseburger and sat outside the shopping center. talk and smoke. Alip went off then me and Yat went to some 7-11 near SMU and took 2 huge burgers while Yat bought ice lemon tea. sat somewhere in SMU and ate.
damn yummehhh :D
then around 10pm we bus-ed home to Gombak and seperated from there.

today is gonna be one hell of a tiring day i swear. gonna like, travel from west to east then to central then to west again. sigh.

i miss my late grandma laaa.
and i need a effin job la people. hire me can? :D

k da bye.

Dont go. Please.

2009-07-05T02:31:00.005+08:00

time check: 2.31am

im tired. supaaa tired. urgh.

yesterday met Yat around 1.30pm. ate lunch and bus-ed to Bugis. Yat jammed with 5 Minutes Late. but before the rest of the bandmates arrived we acted stupid with my super loose cut off jeans.
it was so loose that when i walked for 2 metres, it would slip down to my thigh -___-' forgot to wear belt uhh. lol. lucky wore boxers. heh.

then we took pictures. want to upload to this blog but its mf mafan uh sorry yaahh ^.^

then it was alr 5pm so we went in first. i played around with the drums for less then 5 mins and the
rest came aledy plus Andi so i watched them play punkrock for 2 solid hours!
they played uh Finch, MCfuckingR, Blink 182, Straightforward and uhh another one i forgot.
then me, Yat and Andi left the place around 7.30pm and walked to SMU 7-11 and took sandwiches.
walked to Scape and met Safiye and Arif there. other band people filled up forms.
then wanted to go Break The Chains but we were too late that it was A Vacant Affair playing and it was the last band. sedihh :(

went to take MC16 shirts from Liya (sad), wished Sofie a happy birthday and then saw GoreGirl, Era, Zeerotika and a few more i dunno their names.

chatted with GoreGirl for awhile. she fun uhh :D

then around 10pm we left the place and bus-ed to Gombak.
went to grab instant noodles at 7-11 at BB interchange. then while filling hot boiling water in the cup, the water thingy broke down on us. wtf.
then we asked the makcik at the cashier if we can fill in tap water then we put in microwave. she said ok.
so we did. we were stupid so we put two instant noodle cup in the microwave and heated it up.

guess what?

THE INSTANT NOODLE CUPS CAUGHT ON FIRE. KNNCB.

the other staff saw and help us throw away the cup noodle.
like wtff i spent 4 fucking bucks on cup noodles and i didnt get to eat it.
Yat and i were alr very pissed at that point so we walked out straight while i was cursing like fuck.
went to Cheers and got ourselves another cup noodle and lucky got hot water.
went outside Cheers and ate.

then we walked back to Gombak and seperated from there.

LIYA, if you're reading this, just wanna say you have changed alot. when we met at Scape, you didnt smile nor hugged me. you just gave me the shirt and i asked you some questions but you didnt look at me. you didnt asked me to stay and accompany you like you always did. after i took the shirt and wished Sofie a happy birthday, i just left. i was mad that you didnt care anymore. you didnt even asked how was i. then when i came back again to look for you, you were sitting at the curb with your new found friends and didnt bother to call out my name when i was directly opposite you. you didnt even wave. when i went over to ask you for a stick of ciggarette you just said you didnt have any and gave me a look that i didnt like. a look that says i disgust you. wtf? then when you passed by me when you were about to leave Scape, you didnt even come and hug me and bid goodbye. like you always do. at least Mondre and Era and did. in fact, they were the only ones who seem to regard me as their friend. but you just waved and continued walking with your new found friends. i was alr sad and pissed when you showed that you dont need me as a friend anymore.

you've changed, my dear friend.

k i haveta wake up early today so nightnight nightowls! :D

Untitled

2009-07-04T01:41:00.004+08:00

time check: 1.41am.

whoo. i just came back 30 mins ago :)
tired as hell cause i had my girly thing. lol.

met Yat around 5pm. ate late lunch then bus-ed to Bugis. walked to 7-11 near Beats to grab some chocolates and walked over to Crawlspace for the gig and met Yat's friends there.
Half Asleep and Ever After came across the borders to perform. Misissued, 20 Dischanger and Random Arrival as well.
there were 2 white 40 year old plus french doods there with long hair. they were headbanging to 20 Dischanger and Random Arrival songs O.o
we laughed cause the way they headbang with their looooong bushy hair [which i find awesomely coool]/legs shaking seriously tak perlu.
respected them cause they stood out from the crowd.
they sorta moshed with some punks/punkrockers.
then me, Yat and his friends, Safyie and Arif went out for a smoke halfway during Random Arrival's set cause they were boring as fuck.
ate my Cadbury chocolates :D
didnt get to see Half Asleep and Ever After perform cause it was late and scared got no more train :(
around 10pm me and Yat moved off to CityHall to eat tuna sandwiches and macaroni and cheese :D
trained home.

great day, great day :)

BREAK THE CHAINS, HERE I COME :D

im tired so i'll blog later on so nights people!

Facebook suckballs

2009-07-03T02:26:00.000+08:00

time check: 2.27am

i feel sick eating the Cadbury Tiramisu aledy. urgh.

bby's driving around Singapore with his friends :) lol.

i feel so empty when grandma isnt here anymore. i feel like i dont have anyone to relate to. mum couldnt give a fuck to listen to what i have to say cause she keeps shutting me up by putting me down all the fucking time.
at least grandma would understand what im going through. at least she bothered to listen. at least she gave me a hug once in a while and would say 'sayang cucu nenek'. the way she says that makes me smile like the happiest girl in the world. but now i have no one to talk family related stuffs to and no one would actually understand what im going through.
no, this is not another whiny 'oh my life just suck' post. this is me explaining my situation/feelings about loosing someone. you people dont know shit about my life so shut up.
i think mum is being a flirt. she comes home before 5am everyfuckingday and she would say i dont know how to do housechores, by which i always did everyday before i go out. i shall never be like her and i will never look up to her.
i have my own goals and plans in life and im not going to end up working in a factory with no direction in life and end up marrying some mat motor who is abusive as fuck.
my mum behaves like a fucking whore with all those revealing clothes a mum shouldnt wear and all the guys she flirts around with. late at night, i could hear her phone ringing and her high pitch laughter and constant words like 'sayang you la' and her girly giggling which is so not needed for a 40 year old mum. by this age, she should taubat but nooooo she still behaves wildly like a teenager. tell me, is she the kind of mother to respect, to look up to? HELL NO.
people tell me to respect my mum. fuck you. no fucking way until she change her lifestyle.

i plan to take up more courses after i get my private diploma and set up my own company and be a successful career woman. i'll get married at the age of 25 to a caring, devoted, loving husband who is NOT abusive. and if my future husband ever lay a finger on me for the slightest mistakes i make, the divorce papers will be in the mail the next day.

now that is my past and my future :)

Gimme a title for this post.

2009-07-03T00:16:00.004+08:00

time check: 12.16am

im munching on Cadbury Tiramisu nowww :D
mmhmm it tastes so goooooood hahahaha lolx.

well Yat obviously forgot to text me that he reached home most prolly cause i asked him to keep my 3 packs of Marlboro with him in case mum finds out -_____-'

met Yat today around 5pm. bus-ed to Woodlands to meet Safyie and Arif. Met them then lepak at Civic. help Safyie put in the long thingy for the tags then me and Yat grabbed Takoyaki :D my fave yumyum heeheeeeeee!

then i got a text from Jowel's dad that he is in the hospital. i texted the dad again to tell me what happened but the dad say he cant tell anyone. nabeyy cheebye.
got worried. got to know its just some really bad bruises and lost some tissue in the leg. fuck la suspensekan orang je -_____-'
get well soon k Jowel. i'll pray for your recovery ^.^

then around 9 we bus-ed back to Gombak.
then me and Yat kecoh in the bus cause he play Grand Theft Auto on psp. lolx. laughter is the world's best medicine :D
cliche but whatever alright?

boring day cause i was still having the flu and headache abit cause i smoke too much :/

kk today got gig later at Crawlspace. see ya doods there. nights.

Mosquito bites and YouTube

2009-07-02T02:46:00.007+08:00

time check: 2.47fuckingam.

MSN and Myspace's getting boring. people add me up but dont talk might as well i fuckin delete them off.
and im gg off to sleep soooon after watching Style By Jury :D

and zxomfg i found a carton of contraband Marlboro reds in a plastic bag in my mom's room! :D :D :D
ahhhhh happy aledyy *jumps around*

and uhh i took 3 boxes to, if possible, last me till Saturday :D :D :D

hope mom doesnt find out. lolx.

YouTube dont work on e71, except if i use it on unsecured wireless shit that is -____-' if i can use YoufuckingTube, i prolly wont be blogging at this moment.

andandand its been 2 months since i last found ciggies in the house! you know how fucking rare/surprising it is to find it in my mom's room????? O.O

oooooh she smokes hell yeah.
i have a mom who has tatoos, who smokes and drinks but doesnt want to admit heheheheheheheh :p

my mom is waaaaaaaaay coooooooler than yours, dickheads.
she's the worse mum any kid can have [cause she neglects me financially/emotionally. arh.] but she's the cool mum any kid would want to have.
LOmuthafuckinL.
how contradicting is that -____-'

me and Yat are the JUS! [Jiwe Undersize Slippers/Selipar] :D
oh and no translation for this one. go figure!

and yeah im bored so shut up.

k nightynight urhm beeyotches :)

You think you're hot?

2009-07-02T00:19:00.017+08:00

its 12.19am. wow im home earlyyyyy :D

well met Yat around 5pm, after he ended exams. bus-ed to Orchard and reached Scape around 6plus? then met Safyie and Arif and talked about the gig stuff. the tics turned out preety nicely ^.^

then Safyie wanted to get shades so we walked to Far East and surveyed there. after he bought his shades from 77th Street we went outside for OCK and smokes. sat literally beside OCK stall and we sorta overheard the convo between 2 bimbos, wearing supaaaa thick make-up and bimbo clothes hahahaha it goes like this:

bimbo 1: 'tak malu dier mintak my number. da muke bopeng, takde style plak tuu. eeee! [translation: 'he got no shame, ask for my number. face already pimply, then got no style some more. eeeee!']
bimbo 2: 'ah ah sey. at least Arif much better looking eyh!'

Yat: *talking to Arif, LOL-ing* hahahahaha asal Arif??
Arif: *blur and smoking* huh? ape?? [translation: huh?? what??]

obviously, the convo between the 2 bimbos were unrelated to our friend Arif, it was some Friendster guy. LOL.

seriously cant belive there are such people in the world. god they need to wake up and realise that looks are not important.
me and Yat were like zxomfg and talking loudly +sarcasticly about how people judge by looks and sooner, they moved seats and sat faaaaaar way from us -____-'

seriously, are looks so fucking important in finding a friend/ a special someone?? for my case, no. even if its a guy who looks like he works in a hawker center selling fried kuay teow. i mean, some on la guys. if looks are so important to you, why dont you just bloody hell move to the US and not come back?? if dont have money to go US, then be happy with what kind of girls you have here. its good enough that SOME girls here dont give a shit about looks. cause all we know is its all about the heart.

am very touched with Yat who bought me dinner on Tuesday night cause i was so sick i couldnt get outta bed. he had an exam and after that he rushed over to my place and bought me dinner even tho he was having a bad headache.
THANKS ALOT OKEHH YAT! I OWE YOU! :D

and f.y.i, Yat is NOT my boyfriend!!!

am currently listening to Waking The Cadaver on repeat -____-' random shit hahaha.

kk done blogging about bimbos. they make girls looks so fucking cheap when we know deep inside we're not.
fuckers with no life who judge by looks, go to fucking hell and have the Devil up your arses.

Dare for distance?

2009-06-30T22:12:00.002+08:00

its only errm.. 10.12pm.

i've been thinking of Danny all these while. been thinking if his love is true. cause he hardly text me now, except when he misses me he'll text me.
like dooood i dont wanna sound like a hook up material to him. if i dont mean anything to him at all and if he doesnt show that he cares, we're better off without each other right? :/

"mondays, i sleep away.
tuesdays, i lie awake.
wednesdays, are the worse.
thursdays, i reminesce.
fridays, i see your face.
and i cant breath."

-dare4distance by NeverShout Never!

i wanna meet up w bby sooon like reeeeeeaall soooon but im always broke so, ahhh there goes the luck of spending time with bby :/

k hopefully Alex the cheebai is still online so i can 'cheebaicheebai' him hahahahahaha rofl :D

and ahhh fuck you nabeyyy recession (is it still??) i need a fuckin job ahhh why wont you people just gimme smth to work on and pay me?! #@*!&€ fuck gay shit Singapore hahahahahaha fuckersssss.

andand im nervous for the 11th July gig, Raw With Me. what if the mic cheekopek? then paiseh how? what if crowds start booing, wtf am i suppose to do? what if my screams/gore sounds fucking raw/not so nice? what if i forgot my lyrics[omfgsxsxsx the big ohfuckingno!]? what if i ss then people start shouting i really ss????? omfgsxsxs nabeyy cheeebyeeee i feel so fucking noob now.

O.o

k will update later or smth. meeting Yat for dinner tmrw so bye fuckass cheebye-ians :D

I have never felt this bored in my entire life!

2009-06-30T16:45:00.003+08:00

its 4.46pm and im bored as fuck la.

zxomfg im worried for Yat. hope he wont kena. wont elaborate more. nabeyy :( :(

yo check this out!
www.makingthemodel.blogspot.com

its Luke Idham. shemale. kirekan 'SG top model' uhh. this kinda ppl only hang out with ppl who keep up with the latest fashion trend. but doooood why? at least Tashah Railey is effin gorgeous. and at least she's a girl :)

cause i had this incident at Clarke Quay that made me hatefuckinghate bapoks so fucking much. i was walking around the club area half sober, going to 7-11 with Yat. then this bapok caught my eye. she looked at me, survyed me up and down and gave me that disgusted look. like wtff? i was wearing brown cut off jeans with boxers inside and a white tank top and just regular converse. gosh do i look so fucking alien to you muthafucka?? nabey cheebye.
then Yat pulled me away and asked me to just heck care. i was like shouting 'wtff stare2 what sia cheenafuck bapok sial!'. lucky by that time she alr went in the idk what club alr. lolx.

not that i look down on transvestites or whatever. its just shemales/non-shemales who luuurves to bitch around about other people just cause of the way the person is dressed is a huge turn off la.
for me that is. hahahaha.

zxomfg Luke Idham, you so make me laugh my ass off today :D

Heartbreak, brain dead.

2009-06-30T14:04:00.002+08:00

its 2.04pm. had a short nap after the shower. still feeling a lil sick but im all good.

found out Wan is att to Alice. zxomfg heeheeeeee last long eh korang! :D

mum passed me $5 before she went out just now. dont feel like eating so ima save the $5. maybe maybe not hahahaha cant resist the temptation of food uhh. lolx.

but i needa cut down my food intake. kinda gaining weight from all that sandwich and Cadbury from 7-11.

hmm i dont feel attached. its like yes im attached to Danny but at the same time we rarely text and hardly meet up. and he MIGHT (his might be coming is obviously a no he's not coming -.-) be coming for the Raw With Me on the 11th but i dont feel like seeing him either. i just can see that he's not into a serious relationship cause well, he hardly texts me and i can only text him when my sis leaves her phone unnoticed around the house. and i just can see that he just cant be bothered. ya get what i mean? he never show he cares.

words dont mean a thing to me.
actions speak louder than words.
if you prove to me that you love me,
i would prove to you that i love you.
but please baby, no more 'i love you/ i miss you' via Friendster/text msgs.
just prove to me that you want me.
prove to me that you still care.
cause words are nothing but a bunch of lies.

i dont think he would even read this as he doesnt know i have a blog cause well, lets just say he doesnt read blogs? -____-'

err. idk what to blog about now. feel like going back to sleep but im kinda hungry. kk i prolly wont save that $5 my mum gave me so ima go buy lunch or dinner later and prolly ask mum to give another $5 tmrw to top up my ez link card so i can go to SP and surprise Yat at taxi stand. lolx.

kk kinda bored alr. will update later yo :)

Short update. Sick uh.

2009-06-29T18:11:00.009+08:00

its 6.12pm.

im down with fever, a really bad sorethroat and a really bad headache :(
worse, theres no panadol in my house. fuck ahh. Texted mum to get me panadol.

Yat brought me dinner just now. how sweet riiiight :D he also had a headache so i told him to go home. and i think he is otw home now :) gosh i treasure this dood a hell lot! thanks so much Yat!

anyone going for Raw With Me on the 11th of July at F.A.D Media? get tickets from me, $5 each. poster is up on my band's MySpace. it starts at 2pm so come down alright? :D

kk will update when i feel better. wanna take a short nap.

Insomnia has come.

2009-06-29T00:22:00.009+08:00

its 12.22am and the mafucking flubug is back nabeyy. and so is insomnia -________-'

this just popped into my mind tho the news is like, a few days ago:

R.I.P Mikaeel Jackson. tho you freak me out in some of your music videos, you will forever live on in my heart and in everyone's heart as the legend and the King of Pop.
-al-fatihah-

anw, i just finished watching Blade.
chatted with Yat for awhile on MSN cause my phone lagg nak mampos.

and i found my earpiece ^.^
my sister took it. yet she even had the cheek to lie to me and say she didnt take it. felt like slapping her but scolded her instead. she shouted back at me. alaaaa budak2 zaman skarang. tsk.

im having sorethroat now.
bby didnt text me :(
i miss Dharsh, Wan, Yat, Liya and Ax.

ima eat my Cadbury Hazelnut later cause its chillin in the fridge. been eating that as supper almost everyfuckingday so ima put on weight anytime sooon. hahahaha sorethroat still can eat chocolate. pandai per Gabbie ^.^
*claps hands*
anw, i dont care cause nothing can seperate me and my chocolate :D heheheh mcm matair gitu. lolx.

Tiara and Eshia is coming for Raw With Me on the 11th of July! ima show yaw some sistalovee! <3

oooh and Whose Line Is It Anyway just started. mmmhmmmm my fave show! :D

k i'll udate later yo!

Oh flubug, scram.

2009-06-28T22:58:00.007+08:00

its only 10.58pm. wow im early today.
cause i felt really sick :/

and omg Ax bought me a pressiieeeee which i have to get from Liya. and i hope she havent forget my 2 packs of Winstons! i'll get them hopefully next/this coming Saturday :D
Thanks Ax! *huggles!* weeeeeee!

hope SOM split EP launch was a success. and so are the sg bands that went ^.^

and Dharshybestestbestflen went for her cousin's indie gig today at OdioCrib. The Roses is the cousin's band i think. not into indie music but nevermind. lolx.

so, today met up w Yat at slide arnd 4pm. ate late lunch there and talked about stuffs. then headed to WestMall MacD to charge his lappy. then went to shop'n'save to get the cadbury chocolate thingy again and bought this sushi thingy for $1.60. been aeons since i had sushi. lolx. then went back to MacD and grab his lappy then went to some blocks to check out some screamo, brutal deathcore bands he downloaded.
not gonna mention the underground brutal deathcore bands he downloaded cause what stays underground, MUST stay underground. unlike BFMV -____-'
A Skylit Drive's new album is a stunnahh. when i heard the vocals i was like "eh dorang tukar vocalist pe?" cause the voice like so much higher. lolx. but its a good new album worth checkin out :D

then kecoh here and there, smoke smoke, walked to 7-11 at BB interchange there and bought sandwiches while Yat bought Big Gulp. ate them while walking back to Gombak. reached Gombak then slacked for awhile then Yat sent me home till the staircase leading up to my house.

am feeling sleepy, tired and having a vely vely bad flu so shut up before i shut your mouth for you nabey.

good luck for anyone who is having exams. especially to Yat, goodluck for your blueprint exams tmrw. all the best bro :D

k am gonna stop here. will blog later on if i have smth to blog about and if smth exciting is happening. lolx.

Does it make you feel sick?

2009-06-28T00:45:00.006+08:00

its 12.45am and im bloated -_____-'

TO DHARSHY, ERA [even tho i dont know you well] AND ALICEEE,
AWWWW I LOVEE YOU GUYS SO VELYVELYVELYMUCHMUCHMUCHIEEESXSXSX!!! :D :D
HOPEFULLY ONE DAY WE'LL HANG OUT AND KACAU BANGLAS AND SCOUT FOR HOT WHITE SKATER DOODS :D :D

BIG GIRLS RULE THE FUCKING WORLD CAUSE THEY OOZE CONFIDENCE LIKE QUEEN LATIFAH! unlike those skinnyass bitches who still complain they're huge when they're stick thin -_______-'

AND TO DHARSHYBBYBESTESTBESTESTBESTFLEN :D
HEEEHEEEEEE I READ YOUR BLOG. ILYSM! YOU ARE MY SOUL SISTER I SWEAR. WE HAVE ALOT OF THINGS IN COMMON EXCEPT FOR FAMILY AND I SWEAR TO GOD I DONT WANNA LOSE A SISTER LIKE YOU. EVEN IF YOU DIED, I'D CAMP AT YOUR GRAVE AND SING TO YOU SONGS BY A DAY TO REMEMBER AND I'LL WAIT TILL YOU COME BACK TO LIFE. like that's going to happen. HAHAHAHAHA I LOVE YOU SO VELYVELYMUCH BESTFLEN AHHH :D OH AND I'D LOVE TO BE YOUR ADOPTED SISTA HAHAHAHAHAHA ILYSVVVM BESTIE! *tight hug*

well today was spent at Safyie's crib at Bishan with Yat and Arif. But before that me and Yat went to Fairprice near Junction 8and bought 2 huge bottles of green tea and 'bought' a few cadbury chocolate. got tiramisu flavour also! that one steam uhh must eat that one agaaaaaiiin! :D

then we spent the day crapping around in his room, smoking, guitaring, camwhoring, laughing our asses off, stuffing ourselves w sweets and visiting some websites and of course, YouTube-ing. Safyie gave me and Yat a band tee each cause he say he wear it like too big. i got Alkaline Trio and Yat got uhm, Exploited :) yayy dapat free shirt. heheheh.

then around 7 plus we lepak bawah block. sessioning. i THINK i got a hang of the new song uh :/ then around 9 plus, me and Yat went to some nearby Takeaway stall and bought mee hoon and kuay teow. 2 packs with ALOT of quantity for just like, $1.60??? omfgsxsxs so effin cheap ahhh ^.^

then Yat piggybacked me till the block we lepak. lolx. he kept running and stop sharply and i was laughing my ass of like nobody's business. LOL XD then we reached the block and ate and i swear to god it was the first time in months i felt fucking full. can actually see that i boncet uhh but i try to hide it. heheheh :p

THE FACT IS I AM NATURALLY BONCET :/

then we play guitar and randomly made this post hardcore song [according to Yat] titled 'The Float Song'.
the lyrics is basically a guy tryna save a girl drowning without a float in the water and the lifegaurd is damn stoopid. dont know to swim nye lifegaurd :F the lyrics damn funny uhh :D
then when we translated the song to malay it was so damn kelaka nak mampos i cant control my laughter i literally rolled on the floor laughing my ass off!
then around 10 plus me and Yat bus-ed home :D

damn enjoyable day even tho we didnt go to town as we had planned the day before. lolx.

so today meeting Yat again cause he wanna go HMV at CityLink to play PS3 -_______-' and of course, jobhunting ahhhhhh. peh malas sak.

k will blog again later byeeeeeeee :D

oh andand...

2009-06-27T01:45:00.006+08:00

i've been listening to Parkway Drive alot. i only have like, 3 songs from them and i got hooked. and i always put them on repeat.

idk why. i cannot. *inside joke*

nonono that's not the point. the point is, last 2 years back i didnt even know who or wtheck Parkway Drive is and now im hooked to their songs.

The Siren's Song is my fave :D

oh and im officially known as Gulong Girl by Yat. thanks ehh ^.^

K da bye.

Pissed, so fuck off for now, ty.

2009-06-27T01:24:00.000+08:00

its 1.24am. im pissed. effin pissed. AAAARRRGGGHHHH >:-(

i misplaced my effin earpiece. cheebye. i left in on my bed before i went out and when i came home, like, an hour ago, it was gooooone. gahh the night is gonna be so boring without the earpiece. tkleh feeling if i wanna listen to songs -_____-
atm, anybody willing to lend me earpiece with a connector? *smiles ear to ear*

on a brighter side, had a good time with Yat today. he waited 4 fucking hours for me to wake up and get dressed. tell me, which guy best friend is willing to wait for hours for his bestf?? :D
met him then had my late lunch. proceeded to cityhall and walked to uhm suntec. dont know do what there -___-'
then walked to one fullerton. slacked at some floating platform lookalike except it has grass patches onit. then around 9pm headed to Esplanade. Yat thought it was some Jon Chan performing. padehal it was some botak dood. Hahahahaha.
Then walked to some 7-11 near bugis SMU and did what we did :D happy happy aledy.
ate our late dinner at some benches at SMU. then bus-ed home. had a great time laughing our ass off at some lame random jokes me and Yat made.
then kecoh here and there at Gombak and we headed home.

AND IN SOMEWAY SOMEHOW, I IMPRESSED 'THAT PERSON' BY ROLLING MY GULONG PERFECTLY CAUSE 'THAT PERSON' NEVER SEE A GIRL GULONG BEFORE. THEN 'THAT PERSON' FACE HAPPY GILER ALEDY THEN 'THAT PERSON' FACE SUDDENLY KEMBANG LIKE CHICKEN PAU :D

actually we got names uhh. heheh.

so today, a Saturday, me and Yat are going to Pasir Ris for some uhm beach/fishing fun i guess. might ask Dee to come down since she lives there ^.^

dharshy bby! idk what you ordered but im sure its gonna be a surprise :D
ILY BESTFRIEND! FOREVER AND EVERR!

An Evening With The Plague - click and check em out!

2009-06-26T01:36:00.006+08:00

its 1.37am. and yeh im bored fuckers. lolx.
click on my header :)

that band kick ass. literally. they're from Adelaide in Australia. awesome tracks and they're really young like, 16. they're looking for a vocalist in their area so Singaporean/Malaysian readers, dont bother trying out. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA XD

okehh back to my day. was supposed to go job hunting but ohwells woke up late and Yat was obviously pissed at me. lolx. but today, as in Friday, MUST GO JOB FUCKING HUNTING AGAAAIIINN! malas ahh paham malas takk?? but i need monehhh :(

currently listening to She's Got Style by NeverShoutNever. Yat says the whoeversingsthesongs sounds effin gay. agreed but the whoeversingsthesongs nice voice what. aperrr dahhh. lolx.

fat girls are fucking human so guys who say that they dont go for looks and all that bullfucks can go to fucking hell. cause obviously ALL, i literally mean ALL guys go for looks. i hate guys like that. what do you doods get from getting a hot girlf? what? nice to fuck? nice to look? nice to fucking grope? to hell with you fags.
all you guys care is about looks. why cant you pussies get a life and get a girlf who has an awesome heart rather than awesome features?
its a bonus if you get both but what if you only get a girl who is ugly as fuck but has a heart of gold? would you let her go just cause she's ugly and fat?
if its a YES, ima kill you bullfuckers.
if its a NO, a round of applause for you. all guys should be like that.

so guys, dont be picky when it comes to girls. accept them for who they are. looks arent important unless you're some fucker with a super huge ego the size of the whole universe combined -____-'

guys who m.i.a from the girls after the first meet up just cause of her looks/size, IMA KILL YOU FAGS. people like you dont deserve to live.

cheebye fags/pussies/pervs/bullfucks.

You cumsucker, yes you

2009-06-25T02:24:00.000+08:00

its 2.25am. ignore the header for this post. ran out of ideas for th header. lolx.

am damn nervous/excited/ for the gig on the 11th. i have stage fright yaww! >.<
my last performance was 2 years ago with my ex band and it didnt go so well so im scared of this one.

hmm BTM is gg off to KL in 1 more day. sigh. ima miss Liya and Monmon :(

today nth much. woke up late like 2pm and cant do jobhunting aledy. met Yat and headed to Bishan then slacked at Safyie's [Through The Avenue's guitarist/vocalist] crib.
left around 10.30pm and reached home around 12am. lolx.
today must go jobhunting so i can go for countdown to 2010 in KL (Y)
if i dont have a job by october, the KL trip WILL BE cancelled, no doubt.

oh and i miss talking to Alex my cuppycakes. lolx.
heeeheeeeeee :D

and i cant sleep. so many thing gg through my head right now. like, im uber broke, i wanna see my bestie, gig performance on 11th july, wondering where dan's been (!), planning for KL trip, family shitty stuff. well i dont really have a family and i dont really have a home of my own so fuck that. hmm i wonder where my dad's been. mum is giving me shit now so im planning that if i ever find my dad, ima go live with daddy.
cause apparantly, my mum doesnt act like a mum. she comes home like before 5 in the morning half drunk, doesnt give me allowances and she shoots at me like im a nobody to her.
and she hasnt given me my allowance for 4 days straight -___-' like wtheck how am i to survive. i need to top up my ezlink, top up my phone and food. thats all man im not asking for much.
when i came home 2 days ago it seemed like she just got her pay cause i saw a new school bag for my sister, a new set of make up kit for herself and the usual kitchen stuffs -______-'''

i wanna move out soon. gahh.

Red fucking head, red fucking head

2009-06-24T16:40:00.002+08:00

its 4.40pm.
yaaawwwww.

i've decided not to go redhead. since Alex says its ____________, i'll not go redhead. lolx. but i've decided to dye my hair totally black. as in midnight black. cause i still can see a lil of the blond at some tips of my hair and theres a lil brown all over so midnight black is the colour im gg for :)
and thinking of adding hair extensions and curl the bottom :D but no moneehhhhh :(

im beside Yat now. he's doing the tics and all. and he isnt talking to me. concentration -___-'

k la i wanna bloghop. will blog latersxsxsx yaww :D

Bliss is the sin

2009-06-24T01:36:00.008+08:00

its 1.36am. damn sleepy.
btw, my band Sacrificial Lies is playing at FAD Media at Bugis on the 11th of July at 4pm. Tics at $7! Come on dowwwnnn! :D

anw, today wasnt so good. was tired and down with effin flu. went to apply for tcc as One told me but by the time i reached bugis's tcc, it was 5 plus. so decided to go some other day. walked around and bumped into Liya, Zacky, Alif and idk who else at Beats. missed liya :D they going off to KL on Friday and i asked Liya to get 2 packs of Winston there. hopefully she wont forget :/

dan didnt text me. im hoping for his texts every single day but ohwells O.o

i hope this goes far. but he isnt putting in any effort from the way i see it. is this even worth it? idk. idc.
im trying not to think of it tho it bugs me every single minute of the day. i love him but..

geeeez Gabbie stop it.

my nose cant stop flowing like tap water. dont tell me i got H1N1! nono cant be.

oh and im dyeing my hair red sooooon! chill. need technique ahhh O.o

i need a job. i need moneehhhh. i need hair extensions. i need new shoes and clothes. i need to continue studying. i need a private diploma. i need my late grandmother. i need ciggarettes. i need booze. i need to upload bloody new pics to here and myspace. i need food. i think im gaining weight from all the chocolates i've eaten. i need fresh air. i need love. i need care.

SOMEONE, GET ME OUT OF THIS STATE. IM TURNING TO THE WORSE.

IM BACK! :D

2009-06-23T00:24:00.011+08:00

sorry for not updating, homosapiens. was lazy. lolx.
its 12.24am and im just home from lepaking with Yat.
and its the first time i learnt to roll my first tobacco :D

Last Saturday.
Tonned at East Coast. had shitloads of fun, even though its only me and Yat. drew a hot lady on the sand and wrestled on the beach. Yat fell a looooong way after he threw me down. lolx. i also dunno why uh. im that strong mehh? :D then walk2, venture here and there. not much people. loot stuff from 7-11. i forgot what we took. i remembered Yat drank Guiness Stout and i drank some drinkthattasteslikecoughsyrup. i also forget the name. lolx.
then after walking here and there, sat at some bench by
the sea and talk aboyt the McD gang *inside joke*. seriously talk crap sia. oh and we walked around East Coast barefooted. even to 7-11. heheheh. then fell asleep while talking my nonsense. woke up around 11am and went to his grandmother's house which was nearby. bathed and ate breakie there, then off to FAD Media. got paitau by those fuckers. we saw weird people with weird dressings and we had fun, even though we didnt go in the gig. like shitloads of fun uh especially the guy in trenchcoat. thought was some deathmetal band but got to know they play american idiot by greenday -.____-'. was like wtf? pakai fierce2 abehh main lagu punkrock. lolx. took secret photos of them. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA ROFL :D
went home off at 6 plus and reached home at 8 plus and fell asleep. zzzzzzzzz...
Last Sunday
i swear i forgot what me and Yat did O.o

i feel as if im not his. it feels so 'free' cause he doesnt care. i had to text him then he text me. is this real or what?? goddamn it la fuck. just admit it la you go for looks. guys and their super huge ego. tsk.

ANYWAAAAAAAY [as if tryna stay away from the subject], today im ggg job hunting around town. coffee connosieur. one recommended me to go so i'll just go. must have a job by next month or KL trip cancelled ahhh.

and i hate bimbos. those people look down on people like me and Yat just cause we roll our own tobacco and loot things. like come on la its our life so shut up you fickle minded bunch of fuckheads. konon2 kkorang kaya bleh gi shopping, bleh beli rokok legal, bleh gi gig nak bayar, kluar makan McD, you think you rule the fucking world? no obviously you people dont impress me. not a slight bit.
and you literally go 'tsk' when we pick up ciggies from bins, loot stuff from 7-11, roll our own ciggies and have fun like nobody's watching. who the fuck you think you are? some rich bastards who loves money and look down on people like us. WELL A HUGE FUCK YOU TO THOSE KINDA PEOPLE. MONEY DOESNT EQUAL TO FRIENDSHIP/LOVE. its as long as we can have fun, we dont need money to liven things up.

FUCK WHAT YOU THINK. FUCK WHAT YOU HEARD. ITS ALL ABOUT RESPECT YOU MOTHERFUCKING CUNTS.

DHARSH BESTIE, LISTEN UP

2009-06-15T04:29:00.000+08:00

I DONT GET YOU. AT ALL. YAT SAID HE CALLED YOU AND YOU SAID YOU WERE ASLEEP AND HE JUST SAID 'NEVERMIND. ITS OKAY. GOODNIGHT DHARSH.' AND HE HUNG UP. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO OVER EXAGGERATE THE WHOLE SITUATION??
I KNEW HE WAS AT RAFFLES STATION. HE EVEN TOLD ME HE'S GOING DOWN TO THE MRT TO CALL YOU. I JUST SAID OKAY. WHAT ELSE DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?? RUN TO HIM AND TELL HIM DONT CALL?? WHO AM I TO CONTROL WHATEVER HE DOES?? CANT YOU ACCEPT THE FACT I LOVE HIM LIKE A BROTHER?? I APPRECIATE ALOT FOR WHAT HE DID FOR ME LIKE GETTING LUNCH FOR ME AND GETTING ME A JOB AND ALL. I THANK GOD TO HAVE PEOPLE LIKE HIM. PEOPLE LIKE HIM WHO DOESNT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK OF HIM. WHO COULDNT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S OPINION. CAUSE ITS JUST YAT. I EVEN APOLOGISE COUNTLESS TIMES TO HIM ABOUT EVERYTHING I DID THAT PISSED HIM OFF BUT HE SAYS ITS OKAY. THEN WHAT THE FUCK YOU EXPECT ME TO BLOODY SAY, DHARSH? WHAT??
HE EVEN SAY HE HIMSELF WANTS TO ACCOMPANY ME TO MEET DANNY. I ASKED HIM MANY TIMES 'YOU SURE??' HE KEEPS SAYING OKAY. THEN WHEN I WAS TALKING TO DANNY HE DRANK ANCHOR TO KEEP HIMSELF COMPANY. I EVEN ASKED HIM TO JOIN IN THE CONVO BUT HE SAYS HE DOESNT WANT TO.
THEN WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BLOODY HELL DO, DHARSH??
WHAT??

IM NOT LEAVING YAT OUT. I WANT HIM AS A BROTHER CAUSE WITHOUT YAT, MY LIFE WOULD'VE BEEN WAAAAY WORSE OFF AND I WOULDNT HAVE A JOB.
IM TOUCHED BY WHAT YAT DOES FOR ME.

I just dont know why you're acting this way Dharsh.
Text me when you read this.

Attached

2009-06-15T04:12:00.000+08:00

Its like, 4.13am. Haveta sleep earlier today as im supposed to meet Yat at 12pm today.

Well today was okayy. Thought there was Oi!Fest but Yat's friends texted him saying it got cancelled or smth cause practically, nobody [except for Yat's friends] were at Bellzone and there wasnt any posters up about the gig there.
I think it was a bloody joke from the organizers. Pfffft.

Then went to Odiocrib. Some post hardcore gig. Idk any bands there. And there wasnt alot of people. I guess the bands playing arent so well known but who knows they'll make it big. Oh whatever.
Got in the gig for free. AGAIN. Ader technique ahh. Lol.
Went in for less then 5 mins then went back out. Couldnt stand the heat and it wasnt so hyped like those deathcore/hardcore gigs. It was kinda boring :/
Then walked to Raffles. Slacked there and waited for bby. He came late seyy. Like, 8pm? -.-
Then from 8 plus to 9 we talked and stuff, get to know each other better personally. Shared life stories :D
Then Yat sit one corner drink Anchor. Ask him to join in he say he dont want. Wth?
Moved off about 10pm.
Parted w bby at CityHall MRT. No hugs or kisses :(
Then bus-ed home w Yat. Kecoh rabak in the bus and at Gombak. LOL.

And i swear bby looks so much like Louis of IBF/someAnugerahBand guitarist.
And he's mine, bitches. He's shorter than me and Yat but its cute what ^.^
I love my bby :D

K wanna sleep alr. My eyes are heavy as fuck.
Nights, homosapiens :)

Lusssssssshhh!

2009-06-14T03:36:00.002+08:00

Its like, 3.38am. Insomnia is the shit yo.

Been online and watching tv since i came home. Bby asked me to call but i dont have home phone or prepaid now. Sucksssss.
Ahhhh i miss bby alr :D

Today was fucked la. Met Yat like bloody late then went to Beats cause Private Eye recording. Everything finished at 6 plus. Then no direction and headed to uhm City Hall i guess.
And monday is our recording. Blom jam at all ahh :(

I GOT A JOB AT ESPLANADE LIBRARY!
*jumps around*
As librarian. Key in book tags and all the typical librarian crap.
ZXOMFG SO HAPPY LA DEYYY!! :D :D :D

A million thanks to Yat for this. God i love you brudderrr :D :D

Then no direction headed to UOB. He kept quiet and muke mcm nak nangis. Its just so extremely bloody unusual to see Yat so quiet and all. Usually he'd be making lame jokes then we kecoh2 and shiok sendiri ketawe ^.^
But he refused to tell me anything no matter how much i bugged him and claimed that he's okayy. I just hate seeing people so quiet and not talking. Texted my own bestie Dharsh and she also refuse to tell me aboout anything -.-'

Like wtheck babe. Best friends dont keep secrets. Ah fuck la. What am i to you? Just your casual friend or your friggin bestie??
You say you respect Yat and all. But dont you respect me as your bestie? If you do, you could've just told me everything riiight??

Fuck idk why the hell im so emotional over this.
My besties mean the world to me.
But do i mean anything to them? I guess not.

And bby just texted me and asked if i received his text. Obviously i did receive it but i cant reply. Sorry bby :/

K back to what im gonna blog about.
Literally, its about friends.
Yes, im suck at friends.
No matter how hard i try, i cant seem to balance a good relationship w my friends or my best friends. Cause we always quarrel about lil things. I guess im too fucking sensitive to be anyone's friend.

Dharsh, i know you meant to not tell me anything about Yat falling for me and all but i knew it from the start. I knew it all along but unfortunately i dont feel the same way. I love Yat like a brother i never had. He cares and even bear to wait for hours just to hang out w me nearby. He cooked lunch for me and all. I appreciate all that. A hell lot. I never had a guy friend who'd do all that just to see me smile. No i dont go for looks either, just in case you are thinking.

I just see Yat as a best friend/brother. Stop 'forcing' me to go on with him in a r/s.

And Yat, dont terase if you read this ehh. And dont m.i.a from me also cause im so gonna bite till you bleed if you do >.<
I love you ahh brudderrrrr!

And mum just reached home. No link uh.

I think thats all for today?

Andand im immature as fuck cause i have a mindset of an 8 year old and i behave like one ^.^

And i miss my bby :D

Silverstein - I Am The Arsonist

2009-06-13T01:42:00.008+08:00

Its 1.45am. Im boredddd. Fxck.

Sorry i havent been updating. Been preety lazy. Hahaha. Gosh i feel so lethargic from all the job hunting. Save me, anyone?

Yayy GenreBlender at Odiocrib todayy! And Oi!Fest on Sunday :D
And today ima ton with Yat. Cause he say he wanna drink. Not a huge friend of beer but its an exception when i drink with friends. LOL.
I dont even know wtf im talking about now. Make sense?

These past few days Alex has been calling me 'cutieeee' nonstop for a week straight and One has been saying im so called 'gorgeous' Wth?? Im not tryna sound proud or anything, neither do i feel good. Idk. I dont go fishing around for compliments and i dont wish to get compliments. LOL. I told you im weird hahaha.

Just now lepak with Yat and Joeyy. Went home early thought wanna catch some shut eye but i cant sleep. Bloody insomnia.

And i spent most of my money on food -__-'
I LOVE FOOD OKAYY!!

Today jamming. Originals, Enter Shikari's Sorry You're Not A Winner and As I Lay Dying's Forever. Gahh. Bloody old songs.

I want a boyfriend but i dont want a boyfriend. Geddit? Lol.
Its just so 'leceh/ma fan' like have to 'report' to the partner of your whereabouts. Like your partner is your parents. And its just so cliche to 'be in a relationship'. I want a different kind of relationship. But it wont be a relationship. Like a date but more than a date and lesser than relationship. Geddit?

Ima go stone around now. Lol. I'll update when i have the mood yaww. Tc people :)

Whiskey + me = talkcockaholic.

2009-06-09T01:22:00.010+08:00

Its 1.23am.
Yayy got my connection back :D

Havent been updating since a few days back cause my wireless got screwed. Lol.

Last Sat me and Yat ton. At Clarke Quay. We were broke so we picked up ciggies and all sorta what-broke-people-do stuff. Found a half eaten donut in a Dunkin' Donuts box. Ate it. Well call us disgusting if you want. We dont care :)
Walked to Clarke Quay and found his friends. They invited us to drink. Ape lagi. Lol. Drank alot and Yat can even ask me to drag -.-'
Ended up, i lie down on Yat's lap and i started talking shit. I don't remember what i said but yeah.
After i sobered up, Yat dragged me to 7-11 and he 'took' Q Raspeberry Vodka. While i bought 2 garlic bread for $1.80. Hungry mahh. Lol.
Ooh then while walking back to his friends, we found a nearly finished drink. Heh. Walked back and drank the Scotch that i found near Riverwalk. Lol. It wasn't much but drank anyway. Hahaha.
Then we drank some more. I started talking my crap on MSN to Goregirl i think. Hahahahahahaha!
When morning came, we were fucking tired so we went to CityLink nye underground to sleep. Slept from 10am to 3pm. When we woke up, a buncha chinese girl dancers were dancing to some 'typical cheena kawaii music with the cute cheena kawaii voice'. Their dance steps like act cute only. Buncha mofos.
*shakes head*
Then we trained back to Gombak. Walked home and found out that mum isnt home and she left me a note saying that im muthafucking useless (Understand understood. Letdown). I was like ugh whatever. Showered and went back downstairs to Yat. Bought a packet of mee goreng and shared. Slacked to about 9pm and Yat went off and so did i.
Went home and slet around 11pm? I was so darn sleepy. Lol.

I hate hypocritical people. They and their fucking mindset. Fuck 'em all.

Behead The Mannequin is going off to KL in a few weeks. Their original is awesome. Dangg. If only we could sound like them. Only that we are much more brootal. Hahahaha lol wtf.

EH ADD SACRIFICIAL LIES ON MYSPACE. GONNA RE-RECORD THE ORIGINALS SOON. EH ADD LA MUTHAFUCKERS. AAAAAADDDDDDD!!

Ahh fuck on la to another person's blog.Knnbcb. I never did anything wrong sia. Cb.

Only darkness still remains

2009-06-05T23:50:00.008+08:00

Its 11.52pm.

I don't really have much to blog about.

Met Dharsh from 2 to 5pm. Then met Yat to grab dinner from 6 to 8pm. Went home early as i was feeling rather sick with my red light and my energy has been drained out :/ TOTALLY DRAINED OUT.

I need a break. From all that has been happening. Im tired of having conflicts with my own mum and friends. I want to push the stop button on life and see the beauty of stillness. Of silence. Of serenity.

But that is unlikely to happen.

Yo. Skrunk with mehh? :D

2009-06-05T00:53:00.006+08:00

Its 12.55am.
*yawns*

Just now slept at 6am. Then woke up and met Yat at SP around 3pm. Lepak at taxistand skejap, then head to Foodcourt somewhere in SP to eat our late lunch/early dinner.
Ate rice with fish and chicken plus the gravy for 2 bucks! :D
After that, Yat wanted to got to his school library cause he has a test today and he needa copy down notes. It was already 6 plus so we were scared we won't be able to make it to Liya's pit. So we just took a bus to East Coast. Got lost somewhere near Roxy Square. Asked for directions and walked the long wayy to ECP. Reached ECP and had to walk a LOOOOONG way to bbq pit 1, which was at the other end
-______-'
So damn tiring, halfway walking, we walked around ECP barefoot. The texture of the concrete was a lil ticklish i felt like laughing but i kept my cool ^.^
Then walked on the beach. Even more ticklish. Have to tahan luh walking to pit 1. Sigh.

Then i saw Liya running towards me, screaming my name O.o
Then we hugged. Aaaaawwwwww :D
Walked to the pit and shook hands w the others. Zacky and a few others were there. Mondre fed me her home made chocolate cake. It was good. Wanted more but nevermind. Lol.
Then more people came. Including the ex. I was like saying to Yat, 'Alamaaaak! Damn la.'
Shook hands with the ex and it was so awkward we didnt talk to each other at all. Ohwell.
Around 8 plus the 'cooking of food' started. I helped out Liya with the miniature food like hotdogs, crabsticks and fishballs. Poke them thru the sticks, seasoned them in butter and we bbq-ed it. Then more food had to be cooked as more people were coming. Liya was cooking the chicken wings. It was hard for her. Lol. But its fun cooking for people. Then liya keep saying, 'Eh cook more, cook more.' I was eating the food and cooking at the same time. Heh.
After an 2 hours of cooking, making drinks and kecoh-ness, i went home as Yat had to be home by 11pm cause of family stuffs. I wanted to ton but its a weekday. Besides, im not used to tonning on weekdays and furthermore today ima get free Starbucks. Don't wanna miss it. LOL.

Liya bby, sorry i can't ton today okehh. Saturday we ton eh? Have fun at the pit!

Dharshy, tell me what's wrong with you and N?? :/

Hahahaha i miss everyone already.

Anyway, today can wake up late cause Yat finish at 5pm ^.^
Yayyay babusingh. LOL.

*inside joke*
'Bird sister old. Sitting on the window. Grandmother is already old. Teeth left only two.'

LMFAOROFL!!!! Literally.

Kk wanna stone on my bed liao. Taking care yawwnigguhshizzlewiththafloww yo! :D

This is war, so fight.

2009-06-04T01:31:00.005+08:00

Its 1.32am.

Currently listening to White Chapel.
Covering As I Lay Dying's Forever and Carnifex's Lie To My Face. And Yat haven't pass me Carnifex nye lagu. Besst ah (Y)
Jamming this Sat. Might be at Beats.
YAYYY! AND OHEMGEE IT'S BEEN A LOOOOONG TIME SINCE I LAST JAM! Of course la happy :D

SACRIFICIAL LIES IS GONNA MAKE A COMEBACK YAWWW! :D

Anw, back to highlights of teh dayy.
Met Yat at SP at around 2pm and ate Roti Prata there. The prata thingy damn pekat but sedapp uh. The curry also sedap :)
Then head to Suntec for the interview. Then the person say its at Raffles City -.-'
But the person say its at Suntec whaaaat. Mofo laaa.
Walked back to Raffles. Got to the pushcart thingy then got to know its commission based. Fuck la.
Then was supposed to go 'kacau' Liya at her workplace at Changi airport but last min she tell me and Yat its actually INSIDE the departure hall -.-. Kiwekk then got no plans alr. Head to Penin to see guitars. But before that, headed to the cheap pinoy shop for the cute smiley biscuit thingy. After the Penin thingy, head to Adelphi ansd ate the biscuit thingy and smoke. Then got hyper and did our usual stuffs.
Walked to Raffles and bought Big Gulp. Shiat now ez link left $1 plus plus. Sat at UOB. Found another rokok gulong. Inside still got alot sia. Then we smile2 psl jumpe rokok gulong. Gile wehh. LOL.
Sat there and talk and did our usual stuff and headed off at 9pm cause Yat was tired. Walked to DXO nye busstop and bus-ed to Bukit Batok. Walked to Gombak MRT. Kept quiet thru the whole walking trip cause i was so effin tired.

Now im back yaww. It was a good day today. Didnt have much food to eat but its okehh. Thanks for everything today Yat :D

Im tired ahh will blog later okehh bye.

Mum, i still hate you but im sorry. Fuck.

Broken promises

2009-06-03T01:09:00.006+08:00

It's 1.10am.

LADY GAGA IS COMING TO SINGAPORE! XD
*jumps around*
Ohemgee. I love her songs. And her hair. Haha.

Was suppose to meet Yat around 1pm at SP. But i woke up at 3pm. Bet he was super pissed :/ then he say it's okay he'll come over to Gombak at 5pm. Took my time, siap siap, watched teevee. Went out at 5.30pm. Heheheh. Sorry ahhhh.
Ate my mee goreng with long beans while Yat ate mee hoon with long beans and chili at Ananas Cafe. It is so effin cheap and the quantity is a hell lot la. It costs only $1.70? And i think the makcik also recognize us alr. LOL.
Walked to West Mall. Bad mood. You know i know la eh Yat. Heh. Walked around then around 7pm walked back to Gombak. Sat at Little Guilin for awhile. Smoke, then walked to slide. Had lotsa fun and i squeeeeezed the BIG BIG secret out of Yat. Damn celaka la. Hahahahaha! No the secret is for me, Yat and Dharsh to know and no, there's no way you can find out about it. Nehninehnipupu *sticks tougue out*
Did our usual stupid stuffs there like people watching, imitating jocks and matreps, smoke and lepak rabaaakkkk.

*imitating a matrep complete with their tougue and muke tak perlu*
'Rabakk uh geng! Rabakk SIIOOOLLLL!'

Kk back to meself ^.^

Yo Yat, idk why you have to hide it from me. Dude. I'll still love you as my dear friend and no, i will NOT m.i.a from you okehhh!

Anw, have to meet Yat at SP tmrw at 1.30pm. Haiya. Sian uh always have to go job hunting. Anyone, gimme a job please?

It's like i have no life uh. Fuck. Okehh i admit i don't have a life. Except in the cyber world. Omfg how shitty and lameass fuck.

Fuck la fuck.

Dear Mum,

2009-06-02T01:07:00.002+08:00

Im your friggin 18 year old daughter and the way you treat me is like im your friend. Im getting sick and tired of you calling me useless with no education. Yes i regret quitting school but at the same time i wanna get a job to share your burden. Sometimes i cry, thinking why do you have to treat me this way. Am i anything to you? Are you sick and tired of me asking for money every weekends? If you are, then tell me, so i won't have to ask you for money or ask you to bring home food. I swear nenek is a much better mother than you. I swear she is. She spoils me silly but disciplines me hard and taught me about life. You? You taught me nothing. NOTHING. You threw me aside to spend time with your friends/flings and now you want me to understand you?? What kind of mother are you? Is this some fucking sick joke?? What joy do you see in doing this to me?? Can't you underfuckingstand im trying my fucking best to get a fucking job and all you do is scream at me and degrade me everytime you see me.
I know you're dissapointed to see me without a life but im trying to find a living here so i won't have to depend on you anymore cause i know how hard it is for you. You didn't have to text my friend 'Bynk kau nye keje. Give me your office number.' -translate- 'Don't lie that you've been working. Give me your office number.'. I admit i was wrong to lie to you i have a job cause at the same time i don't want my own mother to look down on me. I know i was wrong. And for that, IM SORRY.

But whatever, mother. I hope you're happy degrading me and all. I know its hard for you to trust me but just this once, im asking you to trust me that im looking around for a job. My friend had to beg his friend for a job you know. Do you know how ashamed i was?? My friend had to literally beg his friend to land me a job.

Bye, mother. I hope you'll never read this post cause i fucking hate you for now.

Mood:diediediediedie.

About me [out of boredom]

2009-06-01T02:40:00.000+08:00

Its 2.42am. Bored so i blog. Make sense yeah?

Ima tell you more about myself as people don't read my Myspace 'About Me' section. I hate it people don't read them. Mofos.
Anw, here goes :

People know me as Gabbie, online and real life.
Im 18 this year but i behave like an 8 year old. I can be a real brat sometimes but it depends on the situation.
My family has been in a really bad state since i was 13. Im still tryna get used to it. I have difficultiess communicating with a woman i refer to as Mum and a small kid whom i refer to as Lil sis. We're extremely financially unstable. Life is really hard for us. My Dad just dissapeared since September last year.
I have awesome friends. Online and real life. They never fail to make me laugh and brighten up my day. And for that, i love them to bits and chumps. My friends are the world to me :D
I love food. ALOT. I spend most of my money on food. Im a junk food addict and a loyal devoter of Mee Goreng. I also love Nasi Ayam Penyet, Nasi Goreng, Laksa, Fish Ball Noodles, Fish&Chips and Sushi.
I love making new friends. Im shy as fuck but i'll talk if you talk.
Like any other girls, i love to shop. But due to the terrible financial state that im in, i can't do any shopping atm.
I love M.A.C eyeshadows. They are easy to blend and the colours are fantabulous :D
I love long haired skaters/band-sters. They turn me on for no apparent reason. Haha.
I have a habit of biting my nails and daydream when im bored. I would venture in my own little world without noticing anything around me.
I use to think the emo look was cool. But now when i think back, it was stupid.
I love to watch America's Next Top Model, Style Jury, Project Runway and sometimes, soccer.
I listen to ALL types of genre. So don't label me as you like.
I hate guys who go for looks. That's just so cliche boys. Get over the fact that you can't get a hot girlfriend to show off to your guy friends.
I hate insects. I have fear of cockroaches and anything that has plasticky, fluttering wings and can crawl.
I don't go for looks. I don't see why you should.
I smoke and drink but no, not to the point that i don't realise what i do and no, not to the extend that i get fucked by some stranger.
Im in love with Mitch of Suicide Silence :D
I got chased by dogs and had to run down a long stretch of road before they stopped chasing me.
I use to cut myself with a math set protractor [okehh start laughing already!]. Kental as fuck i know.
I want to dye my hair platinum blonde. But not the minah kind of blonde.
I detest people who abuse animals. Fuck you chinamen.
I nearly turned vegetarian.
I kicked my friend in the face and neck in the mosh pit TWICE.
Im really sensitive and if you ever got to my nerves, i'll beat the fuck out of you and don't care how you'll react next.
I look arrogant in real life but once you get to know me, im friendly. Really :)
I was raised by my grandma till i was 16 and my Mum came to take me away.
Im currently listening to Its Over by Jesse McCartney repeatedly cause im typing this and too heck-care to change the song. Heh.
I love surprises. Unexpected ones :D
I love going for gigs and try to make friends over there.
I hate people who are too controlling/judgemental/stereotypical. Get over the fucking fact that no human in this world can be perfect.
I love piercings and tatoos. I use to have snakebites and a septum a few months back but took it off cause my ex ex boyfriend didnt approve of it and i got sick of it.
Tatoos should be appreciated as work of art, not destroying your body.

Lastly, i have more to share but it will be up on the next post :D

<3

Sick/tired/happy as fuck ya'll!

2009-05-31T02:06:00.003+08:00

Its 2.07am. Yeah the header describes how i feel now :)

Met Yat at Gombak MRT around 1pm. Bought takeaway mee goreng with long beans and ciggies [2nd time bought legal ciggies! Happy ah siol! LOL! If you were in my shoes, you'll know how awesome it feels to have legal ciggies instead of contraband ones], ate and smoke somewhere nearby. After that walked to Bukit Batok Interchange and bus-ed to Queensway. He bought his new skate shoes. Da happy ah budak tuu ^.^
Then headed to IKEA and bought hotdog+soft drinks for 2 bucks! Ohemmgee so cheap! Ate and bus-ed to Bugis. Walked to 7-11 and he bought his Guiness Stout. We shared cause i don't like beer much and i dont like to mix with Redbull. LOL. Walked to FAD Media and Mondre ran to me and gave me a hug. She has 2 labrets already. Heh i missed mine. Gahh.
Saw Alice, Goregirl and Era. And a few more others.
OMFG Alice so cuteee! ^.^
Saw Iszwan and another girl with him there. Didnt bother talking to him cause he already has another girl and he doesnt wanna talk to me so whatever.
Sat at the curb and drank and smoke. Not long after, it started raining. Heavily. Went to the shade at FAD and Goregirl kecohh. Stand in the rain like theres no rain. LOL.
Me and Yat talked and talked for god knows how long till Liya came out. Ahhh! Hugged her. Missed her like crazy laaaahh.
Talked and crapped around :D
Then Yat and me borrowed her and Zacky's tics and went in. The set before IKilledKenny was goooood :D IKilledKenny was awesome. Smiled like some jackass when they played Lie to my face by Carnifex and Entombment of a machine by JFAC. I started singing along. Hahaha :D
Saw only 2 or 3 bands then about 8.30pm, bus-ed to Raffles [Kyle was supposed to meet up but last minute he texted me he cant come -.-'] to eat PROPER dinner. Nasi Ayam Penyet. It got Yat and me high. We are fun and you're not. K whatever :)
After that bought Big Gulp and went to Esplanade to meet Yat's friends. Lepak at Esplanade for awhile then bus-ed to Bukit Batok and walked to Gombak MRT.

Well today was awesome, we actually had PROPER ciggies, PROPER dinner, and a PROPER fun day :D
Got home and the whole house was messy. Stupid lil sister. Had to clean up the house and that explains the late blog post. Heh.

Dharsh, imy and ily hell lots bestiee! See you real soon baby!
Yat, i love you as a really close friend. Thanks for everything today. Really appreciate it :)

Fuck your pride, ego and greed!

2009-05-29T16:11:00.007+08:00

To K's girlfie:
Like i said, im not angry at you. How many times do you want me to say it? Yes im still waiting for him and no, you can't stop me from doing so, ty.
I want him but i dont want him. You've had this feeling before right?
Trust me, this thing wont last long until you get to see his true colours. Like how i did. The first few months will be sweet, of course. Wait till the 5th month and you'll see what i mean when i say his prangai mcm sial.

Back to the bright side :)
Meeting Yat later to catch Comic Strip gig at Esplanade Waterfront. And he is otw here and i havent dry my hair and all the girly stuff and how the fuckk can i still blog??? LOLOL.
Yeah will update more soon.

Dharsh, we are so going for a major shopping spree after your o levels!
Nicole, im gonna puke on you and Ian when i go to KL on Countdown 2010. Hahahahahaha! K kidding :D
Ax, I miss you.
Daddy, i really missed you. Where you've been? :/

Numb and lifeless

2009-05-26T01:14:00.005+08:00

Its 1.15am. Feeling fucking numb and moodless but i'll just fucking blog anyway.

1) No mood cause i commented Ax and he was back already and commented Dharshy instead. Thanks for making me feel shitty again ehh. Seriously, am i sucha loser to you guys? I guess so.
2) Am still friggin hungry. Sorry la i got a big tummehh.
3) No one is gonna accompany me for Corefest 2 :(
4) No job = No life :'(
5) Insomnia is being a bitch to me.

On a brighter note..
Met Yat at SP and went to Redhill. Arrived and went to search for Ananas Cafe but don't have. Yat treat me to tuna and ham sandwich :) [Thank you! Heh.] While he had some funny looking rectangle lookalike pizza thingy. Hahahaha :D
Smoke for awhile. Walked to the Bossini headquaters. You see. Semangat tau nak carik keje. Nak carik duit for blanje and tolong mak. Heh. All thanks to Yat for making the appointment so early in the morning. LOL.
Had to walk one big round. Its near some industrial estate uh. Heh.
After that, bus-ed to blakang Penin and walked to 7-11 to buy Big Gulp. Felt refreshed. Ahhhh. Then sat outside 7-11 and talk cock and smoke. Wanted to buy the funnyfaces biscuit thingy but i waited till night. Walked to Esplanade and sit at the Waterfront and smoke, chilled and listen to some old pop songs while waiting for Laurence to come. Waited till 6 plus. Laurence came and went off to Marina Square. Walked around and Laurence bought a tee from Topshop. Went outside at Marina's steps and sat there for awhile. Talked and Laurence suggested we drink. Walked to 7-11 and bought 2 cans of Anchor beer. Went to the same spot and drank. We all started talking crap. LOmuthafuckingL. Talked about his trip to Aus and r/s. We 3 seem to think alike about r/s. It sucks. No, wait.

LOVE DOESN'T SUCK. ITS REJECTION AND LOSING SOMEONE THAT HURTS.

About 10pm we moved off. Parted with Laurence and walked to bus stop near Penin. Wanted to buy the funnyfaces biscuit thingy but the shop closed already. Hahahahaha. Bus arrived and slept like a pig on the bus leaning on Yat's shoulders.
Found something and was hyper already. LOmuthafuckinL :D
Walked to Gombak MRT and bought Big Gulp and some chips. As usual, got hyper and slide dowwwwwn. HAHAHAHAHAHA fucking random sia!
Parted w Yat around nearly 12am. Went home. And here i am :) Awesome day today even though we're dead broke.

Relationships suck balls!

2009-05-25T04:18:00.006+08:00

Its 4.19am and yeah im bored hahaha :D

Passed by Kai's girlf blog. No im not angry at you. You just have no idea how much it hurts when he said 'Let's just be friends, okay?'
And you have no clue of the agony/pain i went through to win him back by losing everything i had.
And yeah it still hurts now.
It's easy for you to say 'move on.' but i sure as hell can't. I tried so hard but i still can't. You've been in my situation before so yeah you know how it feels :)
So many promises unfulfilled, so many memories unforgotten. It is etched like a tatoo in my heart and i'll never be able to let go of it.
He even told me countless times he's serious about me. We even went to JB together w his mum to get his old skool shoe. And my red checkered shirt is still w him and i want it back asap.
Just don't be surprised if he did/said things to you you thought he wouldn't do/say.
All the best babe and keep rockin' \m/

Next.

On a brighter note, Met Yat and found a new place to slack. Little Guilin 'field'. Its like a huge spot and you can actually see the 2nd floor of Gombak MRT. We arrived there and as usual, smoke and talk crap. Then we lie down. Shiok. I lie on his tummehh. Like pillow :) Turned on lagu Emily by FFTL and sang along. Sumpah shiok ah :D
About 11.30pm, moved off. Was feeling damn sleepy idk why hahaha but reached home, can't sleep.
Yayy in a few hours ima meet Yat again at SP then off to Redhill for Bossini's interview. I need a muthafuckin job la cb! >.<
But idk what to wear. Haha whatever.

Made a new friend on MySpace. His name is Kay. He's nice. Heheheh ^.^

Thinking of going to KL at the end of the year for 2010 countdown. Anyone wanna come? :D

Ax still not back yet. Sad ahh :(

I want spiderbites! Then can get matching piercings w Nicole [Bestie's girlfie :D]. She has angelbites.

I miss going to school. I miss the times getting stressed up w tests and studying. I miss my bubble tea. I miss Dharsh and Yat. And most of all,

I MISSED BURGERKILL'S GIG LAST SATURDAY!!
Fuck la.
Last minute plan to go job hunting again cause Remy never reply.

Oh and i stole a banana hanging outside from one of the fruit shop near my house. Gosh i want more bananas!

Heh im weird in the wee hours of the morning :D

Nites yo!

Chungaaayyy la dey! CHUNGAAYYYY!

2009-05-22T04:22:00.003+08:00

hello. Im bored so i'll blog :)

Its 4.25am and was supposed to sleep early cause im gg to do important things later. Gahh.

As usual, met Yat again. This time for dinner. LOmuthafuckinL. Slack, smoke, talk alot of random crap. Heh. Lepak at the usual place, West Mall, Guilin and 'slide'.
He is soooo fun to slack with. My slacking/drinking buddyyy! :D

And i found out my previous ex, Kai, is attached AGAIN. This time, to someone i used to know/slack with. No shocker there. They were best friends anyway. Hope they WON'T last long and may he NEVER get another girlf again. No, seriously. WHICH GIRL CAN STAND HIS MUTHAFUCKIN CHILDISH/CONTROLLING/JEALOUS TO THE CORE/PRANGAI TAK PERLU ATTITUDE????!!! Im so cruel hahahahaha :D

Hmm a few hours ago Yat sent me a text msg saying some things that were meant to be said when you're drunk/tipsy but i guess he is. Tipsy on train aircon and too much ciggies. LOmuthafuckinL.

Yayy meeting Dharsh the bestie later! Then about 5pm, she has to go home. Alaaaaaa bestie why go home so fast :(
Then have to meet Yat cause he is accompanying me for some job thingy at GAP at Wisma Atria.

Eh Yat chungaaaayyy, thanks for everything from all the laughters to the job hunting thingy :D

People, pray for me i'll get the job! I need to work so badly and i don't want to depend on mum anymore cause she has had enough to deal with already. Gahh :/

Hmm i miss talking to Ax. And ohemgee i don't like Jet! He's so muthafuckin cruel! One minute he says he misses me, the next minute he calls me a loser. Well he doesn't know how sensitive i am when people call me names, so whatever.
Then why the fuck he say he miss me???! Knncb.
Ah guys and their allwordsnoaction nonsense.
Fuck 'em all! [except Ax and Yat!]

Im so gonna get bubble tea later w bestestbestestbestiesferlife :D

Kk gonna watch more teevee till i fall asleep.

Nights and morning nigguhs!
XD

To Dharshy BFF (L)

2009-05-21T15:23:00.007+08:00

Hey hun :)

No, you're not fat. Even Alice and Yat says you're preety. Fuck the guys who dissapear when they got to know me through you. They are jerks, complete bullmuthafuckingshit.
That proves what fuckers guys can be.
And im sorry if i was being a bitch to you. I just can't help it when i went to Ax's profile. I just wanted to blow up but i kept my composure. He treats us the same but you know how much i use to like him right? But i really can't take it last night i cried. Im sorry if i was being ignorant and stubborn. The stubborn part is just me. Even Kai once said im stubborn as fuck :)
The modelling thing picks people from all shapes and sizes darling. I saw their portfolio. People of all sizes and ages.
But now, i can't be bothered about looks alr. If people were to depend on looks to find a girlf/boyf or friends, those people are full of shit. Full of muthafucking egomaniacs.
Im always sad cause i feel like i don't belong in this family. I try to talk to mum but she always screams back at me. Especially when i talk to her nicely. And don't ask about my sis, she doesn't understand these things.
Im always sad cause my grandma passed away. Yeah im still sad about it. She's the only one who can actually understand me sincerely. And i can never have her back. When i complain to her about mum, she understands and she actually gives advice on how to get back at mum. LOL.
Im always sad cause i got no life. Ask Yat. We've been job hunting every weekend and this week is gonna be the other half of Orchard Road. Next week is hotels. Sigh.
Im always sad cause when i look at you, you have a decent roof over your head, food on the table and money to spend. Whereas i don't. I sleep in someone else'e house and have to pay a rent of $400 a month which is a heavy burden for my mum and i really wanna help out but no one wants to fucking hire me!
And sometimes i don't eat for days to save up for weekend expenses to find a fucking job.
Im always angry cause i got it from my dad i guess. Seeing physical and verbal abuses hurled at me, my mum and sister everyday. I think i swear alot cause of the abuses a few years back i guess.
Im always angry cause im mad at myself. Mad at myself for making mum dissapointed in me. Mad at myself for quitting school for that dumbfuck jackass loser. Mad at myself for falling in love so easily. Mad at myself for treating you like shit even tho you were there for me through tough times. Not literally but getting your texts when im down really made me smile. Mad at myself for avoiding you, Jet and Ax.

So yeah i guess you should know everything by now.
ILY BESTIE.

Do not read this if you're fucking sensitive

2009-05-21T01:11:00.002+08:00

Its 1.13am. Im in no mood to blog but i'll just blog anyway.

Today met Yat. Okehh okehh we meet everyday and lepak at 'slide', smoking our arse off and making lame yet funny jokes about big, old white men and horny banglas. LOL.

But today i wasn't in the mood when the day before i confessed to that certain someone :/
As usual, he shrugged it off. Typical of guys la.

How would you feel if the guy you liked posted a picture of your bestie on his profile? Obviously feel numb for awhile, then sad. Fucking sad. Then back to numb.
Best friends, heh. Oh god if only i could fucking believe it.

And yeah i've given up hope in everything now. On love and life. I don't have the mood to go job hunting or to any gigs currently. I don't think im going for Burgerkill's this friday or CoreFest 1 and 2 next week either.
Someone please save me from this torturous and fucked up life im having.

Screw all the guys out there [except for those close guy friends.].
Why is it so hard for guys to accept girls for who they are??
Why is it so hard for guys to NOT give a fucking damn about how a girl fucking looks??
Why is it so hard to find a best friend whom you can fucking trust without them betraying/stabbing you in the fucking back??
Why is it so fucking easy to fall in love but so fucking hard to be in love??
Why is it so hard to find a decent boyf who wont treat you like fucking shit and control your every fucking move??
Why is it so hard for a mum to fucking give a damn about our fucking lives??
Why is it so hard to forget the ex boyf's and crying over losing them??
Why is it so fucking hard to fucking move on??

Fuck your superinhumanuniversesized fucking ego.
Fuck your preety fucking face.
Fuck your fucked up scene.
Fuck your attention seeking fucking attitude.
Fuck the political fucking shit.
Fuck stereotypes, judgemental fucking cunts.
Fuck stupid rules & regufuckinglations.

If you who terase, ITS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM.

Oh yeah, i remembered im fucking moodless.
So yeah. Im moodless now, so bye.

Brutal breakdowwwwns

2009-05-18T00:34:00.002+08:00

Booya!
Its 12.37am and im worn out. Still.

Me, Yat, Dee and her boyf drank Darwel at Fort Canning last Saturday. Idk wtf we did but i know NOTHING SEXUAL! Duh.
After 2 huge shots of that White Label, me and Yat sat at the swing. I cried a hell lot after listening to that one particular song cause of the break up w Iszwan till my eyeliner and mascara was bleeding alooooot.
Yat comforted me but ended up calling me ________. Ye lah. Drunken minds speak sober thoughts [sorry i mentioned this Yat!] That made me cry even more. Lol. Walked around looking for toilet and we were confirm da high, tipsy, drunk. Saw a signboard that said 'Slow Down' and me and Yat literally bent down and slowed down.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LMFAO!
Me and him couldnt walk or think straight. Duh.
Then we walked down some stairs and saw a toilet sign. But got some pinoy looking people. Then we went in the toilet. It was fucking dark. No light.
Yat said i look like some dayak [like the north indians w face paint] -_-'
I remembered he shouted 'Sial la your face like fuck bodohh!'. Then he wiped my fucking messed up make up off w tap water for me. Lol.
I talked non stop to 3 of them for hours! Then we were tipsy so we walked around Fort Canning and left the lovebirds at the bench. We walked like swinging sideways. And talk about everything. Basically every single shit that happened in our lives. Then we went to some abandoned old looking house which was unenterable for some unknown reason. It was pitch black and thank god i wasnt thinking about anything supernatural. Lol.
Then a car passed by us and the couple inside look at us like one kind. Like want to kidnap us liddat. I was like wtff. Lol.
Then we semangat go and find cardboard boxes to slide down some hill. We took some 2 pizza boxes we found beside th bin then got alot red ants. Eww. We took the cardboard boxes and tried to slide but cannot fucking slide! Grr. Nevermind still got Sentosa, so chill 8)
Then we talk cock, shout here shout there until a bunch of matreps approached us and luckily for Dee's boyf, he said i was drunk -_-' Thanks ehh. Lol.
Then about 6 we moved off to Adelphi and we lie down there like we own the place. The floor was cold and we listened to songs. Then about 7 we moved off. Dee and her boyf went home and Me and Yat stayed. We walked to Citylink underground and slept there till like 10am. Walked back to Cityhall MRT and slept all the way. The moment my butt touched the seat, i fell asleep leaning on the train wall. Then Yat kept waking me up at certain points and it wasnt Bukit Gombakk yet laaaa! Slept back. Yat told me i slept like some crumpled skeleton and i snored loud. Bedekk ahhh! Well unfortunately, i DID snore in the fucking train.
Thats all for Sat. Memorable giler! :D
If only Dharsh and Liya were there. Confirm kecoh rabakk nye! Heheheheh :D :D

Well today, nth much. Slack w Yat at 'slide'. Heh :)
But it was fun hanging out w Yat. Always making jokes that were lame yet funny rabakk.

Kk update later yawww!

& i miss Ax.

Booyaa!

2009-05-15T23:38:00.001+08:00

Hello bloggey and readers!
Its 11.39pm and wow im super early sia. Lol.

Met Yat at under my block at 2 plus. Slack at nearby MacD and smoke. Talk alot of crap, smoke here, smoke there. Walked around. He needed another 50cents to buy rokok gulong. LOL. I went up to grab the coins and went down then i go buy bubble tea. Then walked w him to mama shop near West Mall to buy his rokok. Walked to some block near West Mall and slack, sit there. Chill.
About 7 plus, moved to Little Guilin. Talk alot of shitcrapass [nigguhhh! LMAO!] then smoke a hell lot of gulong. [sial uh the red stormking made me feel so high, my throat hurts and my head spins like nutfuck] then did some funny things. Like seriously funny!

EH I SAY FUNNY RIGHT??? YOU DONT KNOW FUNNY UH????!!! LAUGH BEFORE I FUCK YOUR MUM!!!
Lol.

Then about 10pm moved to the 'slide'. We smoke there then had fun with the 'slide'.
We were a bunch of grown ups acting like little kids! Wtffff??!! Slide here, slide there, slide frontword, slide backwards, slide sidewards. Sumpahh klakar giler laaa! :D
Then about 11pm we moved off. And here i am :)

Thanks for today and the whole week Yat. Thanks alot for entertaining me with your sick jokes, funny walking and the 'deyyyyyy....'
LOL!

Kk so tmrw, gonna do some serious job hunting and recording. Malam we go adventuring for 'slides' then we use cardboard to go down the hill. Heh.

And this part is for Dharsh.
Baby, dont be sad. That guy is not worth your time or effort. He is only showing you what a jerk he is. What a nutfucker he is. So study and pass w flying colous [colours can fly uh??] then we go slack and we'll go sheesha-ing together, we'll go look out for cute white guys at Skatepark @ Somerset, take pictures w old people and laugh about nothing till we groww supa oldd. Okehh?? Smile hun. I hate seeing you so sad. Ily!

So basically my life now is like boring, i can say. With Iszwan out of my life, it brings me down big time i cant laugh at anymore sarcastic remarks :'(
Idk suddenly im tearing up. I guess its cause of...
Kk i dont wanna say. Dont wanna cry more.

Anyway, nights readers!
[Sarpino Pizza box reminds me of synthsizers and Ax :(]

Forgive me

2009-05-15T00:48:00.004+08:00

hello :)
Its 12.49am and i reached home half an hour ago. Early man. Lol.

Met Yat at Bukit Gombak MRT around 6 plus. Walked to West Mall to get bubble tea ^.^
Slack at the nearby scary looking park. Talk about stuff [Thanks for cheering me up. Im still kinda remorseful and sad tho. Thanks for the bubble tea, friend.].
I was tryna control my tears. And still am.
Walked around, smoke alot. Sat near street soccer, dgr lagu Emily from FFTL, ketawe rabak cause of Sonny Moore's voice like spitting alot sia. LOL.
Walked back to Little Guilin. Did alot of funny walks. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! :D

Reached, sit down, smoke, start sessioning. A few screwed up parts on the chorus but can manage.
He bought his laptop. Nak try on laptop got to know takde battery (Y)
Practiced again until 10 plus. Smoke here smoke there, slack, made funny sounds about gay americans and banglas. LMAO!
I walked home. He trained home. Duh. He borrrowed my sling bag. Nak step fierce konon ade Cannibal Corpes nye patch. LOLOL.
Ler. Baru Cannibal Corpes. HAHAHA!

When i reached home, finally..

MUM BOUGHT FOOD!

Ate, and here i am.

Iszwan, i nearly teared up when you sent me that text. I never wanted to break up w you in the first place. Why now? Why? I still love you but since you wanted the break, its okay. I'll try to move on but let me tell you its gonna be hard.
Great. Now i feel empty. Hollow as fuck.
Thanks for those memories. Even tho its short, they still mean alot to me.
Take care and till next time Iszwan :)

K this sat, going the job hunting w Yat again. Miss Selfridge never called back. Waste time sia go interview. Fuckass pinoy. Knncb.
After job hunting, gonna go recording at Beats. After that, drinking session. Who wanna join? Gonna drink King Robert or whatever name it is and tonning. So long sia never ton. LOL.

Kk nth much byeeee!

No, not now

2009-05-14T16:38:00.002+08:00

heyheyhey :)
Its 4.40pm and im happily lazing around. Lol.

I don't think now is the time for me to be in a relationship. There's so many things i plan to do, i cant set a time for a date. No, really i cant.
I made a huge mistake. So now its time for me to face the music. Curse at me all you want. Go ahead. I know im in the wrong. Thanks for making me realize im nothing to you anymore.

Anyhoo, later gonna meet Yat to practice the originals for the recording this sat at Beats. Argh. Their songs are goooood :D but don't expect any brutalism like White Chapel or Suicide Silence. Its gonna be like Eyes Set To Kill kinda thing. I wonder where he get his inspiration from. Hmm.
And guess what? We're gonna practice at the scary mountain thingy. Little Guilin. Alot bangla tk perlu ovuhh there. LOL.

Btw, this sat me and Yat gonna go drinking. I think he bought the liquor alr. 60% of alchohol! Wahh shitman. Lol. Anybody willing to drink with us? Gonna drink at Fort Canning so if you want to, leave a comment and i'll contact you asap :)
The more the merrier okehh?
But i don't think anyone wanna follow. Fuckyeahh. Shit.

Hope to meet bestie tmrw. There's so many things i wish to say. Imy!

Kk update later. Nth much to say. Lol. K bye nigguhs!

Smoke in yo' ass

2009-05-13T00:20:00.007+08:00

hey.
Its 12.21am. Wow im early today.

Met Yat around 3 plus at SP today. AGAIN. He say got cca open house and get to eat free food cause got buffet. So met him at taxi stand, slack here slack there, settled at one coffee shop. Sit there, talk crap and bought ice blended dinosaur. Went back to SP at 5.45pm. Went to the Convention Center building but got talks uh. Pissed off got no free food, head to Bukit Gombak to get his ciggies.

After getting his ciggies, walked to West Mall and went to MacD. He blanja me cheeseburger and we went up. Looked to my right and saw....

MY FUCKING EX WITH HIS FRIENDS!!!!

I think his friend tego him that he saw me then he turned, looked at me for half a second, then turned back.
That was a total turn off for the day. Like fuck sia. The rest of the evening no mood. Yat tried to make jokes but mission failed. Cause i had my girlything and saw THE EX. Turn off like fuck.

THE MUTHAFUCKIN EX WHO WAS CONTROLLING RABAKK GILER NAK MAMPOS BLEH MATI NYER.
Lol.

At then walked past them again. Yat saw him and laughed really loud. Like, d00d! Its that shitass muthafucka!! Lol. Then went to 7 11 and bought Big Gulp. Sat at where me and Ikabubu use to sit waiting for Ariffin to end school. We sat there for an hour, smoking our lungs out and drawing the band's logo. Not nice sia. Heh.
Then he say he bored giler, walked to West Mall again and sat at the staircasethingy. He was even more bored and i couldnt laugh much cause of the girlything and saw THE EX.

Walked to Little Guilin.
Reached there, practiced the original songs. It was good. Really nice songs, seriously.
Cracked some more lameass shitcrap jokes, finally laughed my ass off when he did....

THE CHICKEN WHO TRIED TO FLY.
-_____-'

Damn funny. Should make fun of the way people walk again. Hahahahaha! :D

Sat there for a few more hours, talking about relationships, banglas, and songs and bands. Then walked to Bukit Gombak MRT. Smoke a few more sticks and he went off then i walked home.
And now here i am. Lol.

Eh Yat, thanks for tryna cheer me up, the double cheeseburger and the ciggies. It helps to have a friend around :)

Ohh and Dharsh, i'll tell you when we meet okayy? Imysm babe! :D

Kk no more things to add. My fingers aching la and im damn pissed for seeing the tak perlu guy. Pfffft.

Kk bye.

This feeling really suck. Big time.

2009-05-12T02:24:00.004+08:00

I dont know how i feel anymore.
I still love you a hell lot for how you make me feel.
I don't wanna lose you.
But as time flies, i dont get to meet you, i dont even get to talk to you until we meet up.

Getting a job a.s.a.p is a major priority for me now. So that i can treat you to alot of stuffs. So that i can get my private diploma and land a decent job and treat you to more stuffs.

Second, is the band. I've been wanting to do this since forever. And i want this so bad.

But idk if i can manage my time.
I love you too much to let you go so all im asking for now is time.
Time to sort out my feelings and manage my time.
I know you're gonna say alot of mean things to me and bitch about me to all your friends but its up to you.
I know i sound selfish after all the things that you've done for me.
Just to let you know, im not using you and i never will. Cause 'using people' is not in my Book of Principles.
I dont wanna let you go but i need to sort out stuff first.
Its getting complicated and im crying so much after typing all these.
I know you'll prolly wont give a damn now that you've read this.
I know you'll prolly think im sucha bitch and might think im like the same as all th other girls out there.
I know i suck at love.

Fuckk. I hate this part right here.
I feel like killing myself right now to end all this but i know thats not the way out.

I hate myself for feeling this way.
And I love you, Iszwan :'(

A new friend found

2009-05-12T01:43:00.004+08:00

heylow mofos! :D
Its 1.44am in the fuckin' morning. Lol.
Okay here's what i did today.

Met Hidayat at SP around 12.30pm. Smoked there for awhile, bus-ed to town for the Warehouse/Miss Selfridge interview. I think i got the job? :/ if i don't i swear i'll break down and cry! Gahh.
Walked to Raffles to eat MacD. Smoke there then talk alot of shit uh. After eating, Yat needed the toilet. As usual, MacD toilet ade orang so we went off to Fullerton's toilet.
Here's the best part:

As we were walking to Fullerton Hotel for the damn posh gawjus toilet, we were caught on camera! Its the singapore's version of Just For Laugh! No im not kidding i swear! We walk near the shady area. Then 2 ninjas, one in black and the other in red, suddenly came out of nowhere and started acting like they were fighting each other with their whateverfunnylookingthingstheywereholding.

THEY TRIED TO ATTACK ME!!!

I screamed at first. Yat was alr like blur sotong sia then stand one corner, laughing -___-"
Rabakk sia member. Hahahahaha!
Then i was shouted smth like "eh fuck sia knnccb!" to the ninjas and they were like, laughing! Then a girl came up and said like, they needed our permission to let them air it on teevee. I was like fuck yeahh sure. Was still damn shock sia. Wtf! Not needed! >.<
Sial la im gonna go on teefuckinvee and my shocked/pissed/turn off face will be there for the whole of singapore to see.
Tak glamour siolsxsxsxs! -___-'
Then i was still shocked as hell when i came out of the toilet. Lol.
Walked to esplanade to get get candy floss.
Then sit near waterfront and talk a hell lot of shit again:

"Mr Bert Lek, father of Mrs Chik Eng Lek and sister of Mr Dak Lek!" *inside joke la. You guys wont understand one. Lol*
Ketawe mcm orang giler!

Then went to rooftop to do some personal band stuff (not what you think laaa!) then walked to MacD at Marina. Bought Mcfuckinflurry then sit outside and smoke GULONG. Nak save some sticks for later use uh. Heh.
Then no plans i randomly suggested we slack at Pasir Ris. So long sia never chill there. Zaman scondary oii ^.^

Trained to Pasir Ris. Sweared alot about the crowds on the train. Turn off rabakkk.
Then walked to Downtown East. Sit at MacD (Idk whats up w us always sitting at MacD, seriously!) AGAIN but no smoking corner. Mengamok. Lol. Then walked around then give up, gi luar, dudok satu corner, hisap GULONG again -____-'
Like pathetic sia sit one corner then gulong.

THAT PERSON CHILLED WITH COMEBACK KID SIALLLL. FUCKER. CCB. Tak ajak. Member aper seyy. Lol.

Then walked to Pasir Ris central. Go to ShopnSave he buy lime juice. Like wtff? Then sat outside the ShopnSave and talk alot of crap and smoke shitloads of gulong. Heh. Then i step cakap orang putehh. Then campur w nigguh language. Yat alr laughing his ass off. Sumpahh bolehh make it sia! Haha!
Got high on limefuckinjuice, talk alot of funny shitass crap and walked back to interchange. Smoke a hell lot today. Thanks to Yat's gulong :)
Saturday, drinking session! XD
Then on the train, i thought about stuff and nearly broke down. Then Yat told me to chill and all.
Thanks dooood :)

Now im fucking tired and wanna sleep. Well not really. If im bored i blog okehh bloggy?
K bye.

Mother's Day

2009-05-10T22:19:00.006+08:00

hello bloggy.
Its 10.23pm and its Mother's Day.
Mum, sis and stepdad is out, as usual. But not me.
You might ask why.
Cause in my family, birthdays or Mother's Day or Father's Day or whatever occasion it is, it doesnt mean anything to them. At all.
Ohwell. Whatever.

Happy Mother's Day, mum.

Sing till your lungs starts to bleed

2009-05-10T01:23:00.005+08:00

hello cyberians X)
Its 1.24am and i got back 15 mins ago.
And im tired and my head us aching.

Met Hidayat today. Was supposed to meet at 11am at Citylink but cause i woke up late, delay until 12pm. Sorry ehh ^^
Went job hunting all around Raffles City. As nearly all the shops.
Mr Bert Lek! ROFFLMAO!!! XD *inside joke*
After that, da penat, went to Marina Square. Ate LJS. Yayy!
After that walked to bugis for Hidayat's band, Sacrificial Lies. Spent 4 friggin hours in the studio. I was so bored but i swear their originals are goooooooood :D

AND IM THE NEW VOCALIST FOR SACRIFICIAL LIES!!!

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!

Okaaaay we play like uh hardcore? Old skool hardcore? Idk? Heh :)

After that, walked to bugis to meet Liya! I thought Mondre was coming ah ohwell :/
Then since she legal alr, she bought Corona and Lime breezer. I mixed both up and ended up w a headache. Gawd stupid to mix beer and liquorbutnotsoheavyliquor together -.-'
Then me and Liya had some personal talk.
Stay strong okehh girl? Life is short so smile. Life is nothing without hardships.

After that, talk here, talk there, trained home w Hidayat. Sumpah penat giler. In the train we talked about old times.
PROTRACTORR!! *inside joke. Again*

And noww im home.

Boyf must be home alr. Hope you had fun at jb w your mum hun. Ily and imy, like alotsxsxsxsxs!! XD

Kk now gonna go disturb random people on myspace.

See yuhh nigguhhhh!

Selamat datang!! ROFL!

2009-05-08T22:45:00.003+08:00

Yaw :)
10.46pm. Idk why i like to check the time when i blog. Lol.
Met Dharsh bestie at yishun today. She texted me at 6 plus in the morning. Like duh i was asleep. Then i woke up at 12pm by my alarm then i saw her msg that she wanted to meet at 12.30pm at yishun Northpoint
-.-'
And it was 12.15pm when i woke up.
So i showered, change clothes, hair still wet and messy, no make up on, wear slippers, went down to call her and tell her i'll reach there around 1.45pm.
Hung up, ran back up and got ready.

Trained to yishun and met her with her friend, Fadilah. Slack at some block after getting present for mothers day.
Sat down, smoke here and there, talk alot of shit then went home.
Reached home, sister was watching teeveeeee :)
So yeah now im bored, blogging and NOBODY reads this blog anw. Lawl.

Tmrw, meet up w Hidayat at City hall at 11 fuckin am! Crazy, seriously. He say wanna job hunt. Okay job hunt is an exception to wake up early :)

Im crazy on myspace today. Disturbed Haziq and OneJet by talking nigguh language. Swear to god tk menjadi sia. Heh.

Oh boyf texted me today about my previous blog post :D heh. Seeeeee. Your girlf damn sweeet yuh knowwww.
K bedekk ah. LOL.

OMFFFFFGGG! I swear i saw a black shadow pass by me just now :s FUUCCCKKKK???????!!!

OHH AND MAS SELAMAT IS ALREADY CAPTURED!! CAPFUCKINTURED!!! YESSSAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

Okehh gonna go disturb people on myspace again XD

Update tmrw yawwyaww!
*swooshswoosh*
ROFL!

I love you.

2009-05-08T00:55:00.005+08:00

Sometimes you feel everything and nothing all at once. Sometimes you find yourself smiling while missing something at the same time. At times you can absolutely love a person while wanting to hate them. Life comes without guarentees but you can expect that smiling will brighten your face, laughing will enhance your eyes and falling in love will change your life.

Everyone says that love hurts. But thats not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Everyone confuse these things with love. But in reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes us feel wonderful again.

I miss you when something really good happens because you're the one i want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me because you're the only one that understands me so well. I miss you when i laugh and when i cry because i know that you're the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears dissapear. I miss you all the time but i miss you the most when i lie awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other for those were some of the best memorable times of my life.

And i end this with :

I LOVE YOU, MUHD NOOR ISZWAN :)

Jealousy rears its ugly head

2009-05-07T15:49:00.007+08:00

Yeah. Its about the title.

I dont know why you have to be jealous of me. It sucks to know that you're jealous of every single movement i make, every step i take, and every word i speak. And you're my bestie. Do you know how hurt i was when you sent me the 7 page long text?
Yehh i know i said everything is fine now but its cause i dont wanna argue. I need to talk to you like face to face and get this over with. But when we talk, its like, im talking to a green eyed person. Sometimes i just wanna let everything out but its hard cause i know the kind of person you are.

Bestie, i still love you. Dont hate me, please :(

Like one heartbeat

2009-05-07T15:49:00.004+08:00

hello :)
Wow i woke up at 11am today. Like, finally? LOL. Okay i cleaned up my room and it looks better now ^^ *pleased w myself*
Found a pack of Marlboro menthol in me mum's bag. AGAIN.
Happy gilerr oittss! XD
Kay im hungry. But don't feel like eating. Gaahhh.
Myspace is so boring but i edited my About Me section. Its like so mean luhh. Heh :)
Idk why but i feel so lazy nowadays.
I miss my besties and my friends.. Like, so much.

Ohkaaayy pussies. The plan for saturday is:

1) Follow Hidayat go his band, Sacrificial Lies recording at Beats Merchant (legend sia that place. LOL).
2) After that, follow the birthday girl to wherever she wants to go.
3) At night, head to UOB for mini birthday :)

Okay the next plan idk. Cause Liya say got adventure outing ala Misteri Jam 12.
But she say she wants to drink too.
So how to go adventure and drink at the same time?
Next thing you know i'll be talking to a pocong. LOL.

I got a thing for pocongs you see. They scare the fuck out of me, seriously. Pontianaks, not really. Just pocong. They scare me shitless! O.o

K will update later. Dunnoe what to say alr.
Heh.
But fags! X)

Im trying to get away from everything

2009-05-06T22:23:00.000+08:00

hi :)
Im bored, so that explains the title. Lol.

Sometimes i dont get people.
They add you up on myspace, saying you're fun, cool and all that.
Then they add you on MSN.
The best part is, on MSN, they dont talk as much as they use to on myspace. Like whaaa??
I wont say they dont talk as much as they do on other websites.
ITS THEY DONT TALK AT ALL ON MSN!

Then whats the point of adding me up on MSN??
You might be saying, why the fuckk am i making a huge fuss out of this.
Its cause i find people on MSN dumb. They add but dont talk. Yeh you might ask me to make the first move and all.
If i do make the first move, i talk less than 2 sentences and yeh, done.

So yeah.
A bunch of bitchasswhoremuthafuckincuntfags who added me on MSN but dont talk.

gosh am i that sensitive? Okay maybe i am extremely sensitive but its just me man. Love me or hate me, i couldnt care less. I got my life to lead. Honestly, I HAVE NO LIFE. So basically, i turn to MSN. But things whom they call 'friends' or 'people', they dont talk. At all.

So yeah. Im a sensitive bitch. So sue me.

Okae should go draw strawberry and hello kitties and funny looking monsters so at least i have a life. To draw *nods*

I want to see what you have learnt

2009-05-06T20:51:00.003+08:00

heyheylowlow :)
Its 8.53pm and i have no topic to start with.
Been craving for raspberry vodka.
If Saturday i got money i go buy. If not, anybody? *hinthint*
Pleeeeeeeaaaasssseeeeee? *puppy eyes*
LOL. Okay i woke up really late today. Like 6pm? Baik kaaaaann :D
I slept at 5am yest. Couldnt sleep.
Ye la. Nobody talked to me on msn for 2 days straight. Except for the boyf, who slept at 11pm yest i thin :/
Sso should i tell my mum i smoke? Cause im scared she'll blow her head off if i tell her.
But its a lil sensible to not tell. So she wont blow her head off right?
Gahh. Fuck it.
Yay today ate mee goreng with alot of chicken wing XD XD
Okay today nth much happening.
Anybody reading this, please talk to me on msn. Im bored as fuck ya knowww.
Okay should lip sync to All Shall Perish :D

Suffocate under my lies

2009-05-05T22:32:00.000+08:00

Gosh. My title sounds so emo.
ROFL.
Okay its 10.34pm and im bored.

MUM IS BEING A COMPLETE BITCH TO ME THESE DAYS.

She has been discriminating me, putting me down and discouraging me. A HELL LOT.

Like what the fuck is her problem sia? Just because i stop school half way and dont have a friggin job.
I know la. Which mum wouldnt be dissapointed in their child if they quit school and all kaaaan.

Worse. If i tell her i drink and smoke how? Even worse right. LOL.

But still, she shouldnt be putting me down and all what. She, as a mum, should be encouraging me but no, she discourage me from trying new stuffs. Fuck.
She herself isnt a good role model sia. She has a tatoo of her fling's name on her chest. She smokes but she doesnt wanna admit. I obviously know she drinks but its her superhugeegothesizeofaspermwhale that make her hide stuff from me. Mofo.

Gosh. Ade hati to say im not being a good role model to my sister.
Okay i admit im not la but look at my own mother. She herself alr cock up then she expects me to rot at home 24/7 and be a goody two shoe.
Well, fuck that. Seriously.

Oh and i hate people controlling the other party, esp if the other party is th girlf/boyf.
Like whats the point in doing that??
If you truly love someone, you would wanna see them happy right. And not seeing them unhappy because you dont get things done your way.
Like it just doesnt make sense you know. If you love someone, so much, you'd want to see him/her smile, no matter what you think they're doing, as long as they are happy, so should you, right?

Gosh. People. Esp control freaks. Get a life of your own before starting to control other people's life, seriously. If you tell me you alr have a life then i guess you're too cock up in your own life you prefer to control the other party's life, which i find it soooooo unnecessary.

Tired as fuckkkkk

2009-05-05T16:36:00.000+08:00

hey hey you you :)
Its 4.37pm and i just woke up.
Yesterday Joey asked to meet up at 10.30pm at Raffles Place mrt.
I reached there like exactly at 10pm. Walk around, sit here sit there until 11pm ALONEEE.
He texted me asking to meet at MacDonald's instead.
He turned up half an hour later -.-
Went to MacD, Watch Teeth. Movie sumpah merepekk sia. LOL.
Then i texted Remy asked him where he is. He was at bugis.
Joey nye tangan gatal sangat ask him to meet us here -.-
And he came like 20 mins later w his date.. Or friend. Hahahahaha.
Then he wanted to drink so pack stuffs up, head to 7 11. He bought like idkhowmanycansofbaron.
Like alot. And his date, okay her name is Nita or smth like that. Heh. Sorry la joy, lupe namer. Heh :) oh and she's uber preeeettyyyyy!
Then sat down, drink, smoke, talk lotsa shiat.
Dapat tau da pkul 5am. I was like, huh?? So fast? Lol.
Slack here slack there, Joey fell asleep -.-
Well he was tired. Tk tido 3 days straight. LOL. Saper suroh.
Then 7 am and Nita and Remy went off. Came back 10 mins later -________-
Idk why but yeah they came back, i nearly fell asleep thinking of the boyf :D
Then the 2 birdies went off first and all of a sudden, Joey like, terbangun and was suddenly wide awake and he said. 'Chao uh.'
I was like whaaaa???. LOLOL.

Took train home while joey, being joey, cycled all the way back to redhill.
Oh well, we go waaaaaaayyy back sia Joey :)
Came home, nobody was home, plop myself on my bed and zzzzzzzzzz until now, i just woke up.

I miss boyf :(
He wanted to meet me at 5pm today but i jsut woke up and blom mandi sumer. Fcuk.
And im feeling tired. Want to shower but cant bring myself to shower.
Oor maybe i should just sit under the showerhead fully clothe and sleep again?

Yes. Should go do that *nods*

Jengjengjengjengjeng!!

2009-05-03T22:49:00.005+08:00

Heyheyhihi :D
Its 10.51pm and im fuckn pissed.
I woke up at 2pm and mum was cursing at me saying im sucha 'useless child. ask for money but never help me do anything.' I was like wtff did i fuckn do?? I didnt exactly say that but i just said aloud 'Yeah? Whatever.'
Then she stared at me like she wanted to slap me. Then i stared at her back and put on my earphone and blasted White Chapel and hide my face with my pillow. I wanted to cry but hell no.
First. I dont go out except on weekends then i ask for money. But most of the time, weekdays, she gives me money without me asking. Like wtf?
If this is the case eh, when i get a job, and she ask for like monthly allowances, i swear on fucks i wont give her any. I may sound like a bad daughter but thats how she treats me. Ima bad daughter but regardless of who the fucknyou are, i dont care. You treat me like this, i give you the taste of your own medicine.

Gosh. Everything she talks is about mooney. Like wtf la. I dont even see you smiling at me. Not once in 18 years of my life.
Seriously. Cant she see im trying my hardest to get a fucking job?? Fuck la. Fuckity fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

I swear when i get a job i wanna save up and get a rented room and save up some more get private course. Easy said than done. Gahh.

I cant stand my mums prangai sial. Mcm puki sial ccb.

Kay today did nothing online, but as usual, tkde orang nk tego. Wtf. Go and die la.

K will update tmrw. Meeting Dharshy at yishun at t plus with Fad and Naz (whom dharsh names them muffins and cupcakes. And im nutella. True. I luuuurrrvvveee nutella :D)

Happy 2nd monthsary!

2009-05-03T00:55:00.009+08:00

hello readersss!
I just got back home. Its 12.56am.
Lets see what we did today.
Woke up at 11.30am, before mum went out to see kuda kepang at idk where, asked mum for $10. She gave me $2. Argue argue, she said she'll wait for me at the coffee shop downstairs to give me more money. After i bathes, met her, she gave me $7 -.-
Went back up, siap2, fetched boyf from amk platform and head to dhoby ghaut to watch 17 Again. I swear Zac Efron hothothot siol. Even boyf agrees :D
Then after that, met rara, nosey, ika and yan outside cathay. Ika complimented i wore a nice dress. Padahal bukan dress. LOL. Then walked to to raffles bk eating house. Was kinda cranky cause i was effin hungry. Ate cockels fried rice. Damn delicios as fuck man. Lol. Then outta the blue, mizam, alfee and iforgothisname appeared behind boyf. Lol. Da makan2 sume, head to UOB. Slack there and saw...
MY BELOVED IKABUBU!!! :D

Sumpah happy giler. Ika with ayu and wan and ariffin and iforgothisname no. 2. Lol. Talk here there, then went to toilet with liya. Then talk cock, lepak ngan liya, boyf and his friends, balek.
LOL.

Wasn t exactly perfect date for me and boyf but im happy cause today happy day maaahh. Lol. But im happy cause i get to watch movie with boyf. Just gg out with him, got money or not, it really made my day.

To boyf, i love your lameass jokes. I love you making sarcastic lameass jokes and that smirk. Those are the small things that really made me love you more and more each day even though we only see each other once a week. It made me realise i love you more and more as each day passes. I love you for making me feel like the happiest girl in the world when im with you.
i love you very very much boyf! :D

Okay mitch, nick and zac ae mine! Oh and boyf too. Hahahahahahhahahahaha!!

Okay im such a lameass la. Cb. Iszwan, you got yourself a lameass girlf. LOL.

Okay nights yawww. Will update soon pussies!
XD